Clearing and Cleansing

For 2019, I intend to clear out the material things in my life to just those things that I need. I emptied half my closet to give things away that no longer serves me, no longer fit me, or no longer is needed.

The second part of my healing work involves cleansing my body for a healthier lifestyle to include healthier foods, yoga, and regular exercise.

Shortly after I emptied my closet, I am already feeling the benefits. This is the first night in a while that I have not had nightmares or stress dreams about my job. I really didn’t believe this would work as it seems so simple. However, it really wasn’t. As I placed my belongings on a large pile to give away, I felt a sense of loss, and sadness. It was as if I’ve lost something or didn’t have enough. For me, this was the reason for accumulating all of these material things.

I will be beginning my cleansing regiment shortly, and hope to reap the benefits of feeling more energized, losing some weight, and feeling emotionally lighter.

Every year is a new beginning. Every month is a new beginning. Every week is a new beginning. Every day is a new beginning.May you change your life one day at a time. (Copyright 2018 Awakening journey with all rights reserved.)

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Practicing Self Love

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I was one of those people that others talk about at Christmas and Thanksgiving with depression, sadness, and loneliness. After years of therapy, I came to realize that I was abused by my parents which caused severe depression and suicidal thoughts.

My therapist helped me separate from my family as continuing contacts with them caused great emotional and physical harm to me.   After that, I had many years of depression, sadness, and loneliness during the holidays.

Not surprisingly, I was divorced due to dysfunctional and negative behaviors I practiced with my family.  It has been many years that I have tried to change my life and these negative behaviors.

This aloneness has taught me to become independent, self-sufficient, and nurturing to myself.  This year my partner had to travel to see his mom in the nursing home.  Therefore, I spent Christmas alone.

During this alone time, I took myself to the beach, shopped for myself, hiked and painted which is a form of healing therapy for me, and had a wonderful massage.  Slowly I am learning that taking  care  of myself is just as important as taking care of my loved ones. We must love ourselves first before we are able to love others. (Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)

Reflections

BE7786D8-1D64-454D-AED1-21E95F0CE7D8The end of every year is a great time to reflect on my spiritual growth and evolution that year. This year, I have overcome many fears and obstacles, including fear of failure, fear of abandonment, and fear of not being accepted.

This has been a challenging year! Overcoming my fear of failure has allowed me to stay at a job that is overwhelming, challenging, and frustrating. Overcoming my fear of abandonment has allowed me to stay in a healthy, loving, and functional relationship. Finally, overcoming my fear of not being accepted has allowed me to be a fair and realistic supervisor.

My work is not yet over as I struggle to let go, and come to acceptance of my reality and learning to live with myself. It seems to me that this entire spiritual healing process is learning to be with myself, and my reality. It is accepting the silence, the aloneness, and our inner thoughts.

As I continue to overcome my fears every minute of every day, I am slowly becoming the person I wish to be. May you reflect on your spiritual growth and evolution! (Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)

Remembering Loved Ones in the Spirit World

EF4A5F31-75CC-4594-BD75-7D72C57DBE3BDuring the holidays, we remember the fond memories with our loved ones. Many have passed on to the spirit world, and we are saddened that they are no longer with us.

However, they really are still with us! We are truly connected through the Infinite. Our energy are one with the larger cosmos.

For me, I was raised by my grandmother until the age of eight. She essentially served as my mother, as she bonded with me as an infant. Although she has been gone for 20 years, I still feel her energy with me all the time.

My grandmother now is a part of  my being. Because of her, I have become the person I am today. My love for her never wanes and is everlasting. (Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved).

Resolving the pain of loss

 

When my kundalini energy rose in March 2011, I came to the knowledge that I had a daughter from a previous life time. I was pregnant with her out of wedlock, so I was forced to give her up for adoption. During that lifetime, I wondered if my daughter was happy, and if a good family adopted her. I believe that I continue to have difficulties with issues involving children for many lifetimes subsequently, because I never resolved my issues around this loss.

In this lifetime, I had the fortunate opportunity to meet a wonderful woman at my work, who became my dear friend. She has a daughter named Kathryn, who is strong-willed, beautiful, and smart. Kathryn and I have a very strong emotional and energetic bond, as I knew when she was coming into the world. During her mother’s pregnancy with her, I called my friend as I sensed something was happening. when my pregnant friend picked up the phone, she told me she was on her way to the hospital as her water had just broken. I also was at Kathryn’s birth when she became stuck in her mother’s birth canal,but her strong will helped her survive her birth.

This Thanksgiving, I spent time with Kathryn and her family. It was very clear to me that I needed to let go of the pain of loss from my past to move forward. Being with Kathryn gave me hope that my daughter had a wonderful adoptive family to care for and love her. It is time to let go of the pain from this loss from my past. May you heal from the pain of your loss.(Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)

THE ART OF LETTING GO – A TRUE SELECTION OF AWAKENING EXPERIENCES PART III

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This is my contribution to Barbara Franken’s A True Selection of Awakening Experiences Part III.  Thank you, Barbara for including me!

The most dramatic changes I have experienced during my spiritual journey during the past seven years involved letting go.  This process of letting go forced me to give up my past expectations, and the familiar patterns to become the person I am today.

My life began as child moving from relative to relative until I was eight years old. When I finally united with my parents, I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused.  During most of my childhood, I suffered post traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety.  As a young adult, I wanted to end my life many times.

I began psychotherapy in college as I was involved with men who physically, sexually and emotionally abused and assaulted me that was similar to my family dynamic.   I realized then that something was terribly wrong in my life.

In March, 2011, my Kundalini energy rose during a meditation session that caused utter chaos and confusion in my life as I never heard of Kundalini and was not particularly spiritual or religious.  Thus, began my spiritual journey that transformed my life and soul path.  I left my career to work with college students who have experienced sexual assault,  domestic/dating violence, stalking, and sexual harassment. I left my marriage that was not serving or understood my higher path and calling.

When  I arrived at these colleges to work with college students, dramatic shifts began to take place there.  Suddenly, Presidents were fired, Vice Presidents left, and high level administrators were terminated.  In all these situations, I had no authority to remove or terminate them, but events began to occur around me and around the work I was doing.

Now, I am evolving to a third phase of my transformation in my life and soul path.  I have been told that I am coming to the end of the second phase of my evolution. It is now time for me to share my professional and spiritual knowledge as I will assume the role of teacher/educator, and pass the direct service work with college students to the next generation.  However, in order for me to evolve to this third phase, I must continue to let go.

My post today is to share with you the art of letting go.  This is how I accomplish this:

  1.  Set the intention that you want to evolve and move forward to the next phase of your life and soul path.
  2. Fear will begin to surface, and you may vacillate in your decision to move forward.
  3. Begin to change expectations that are old patterns.  These expectations involve what you expect of yourself and others around you.
  4. Begin to let go of control and expectations of outcome, and allow the Infinite to guide you.  Everything will turn out exactly as it is intended and best for you.
  5. As you proceed in this letting go, fear will repeatedly speak to you through your ego.  You may hear that you will fail, it is too risky, and you have no guarantees. This will soon pass. Work through these fears by using Observing Ego Practice, an exercise that I use and share on my blog, Awakening Journey.
  6. Begin to change your behavior by actively preparing and moving toward your new intentions and ventures.  Since I want to teach and educate others, I am seeking opportunities in this area and working very  hard everyday toward this.
  7. Genuinely accept yourself and those things that you cannot control.
  8. Imagine in your mind of being successful in this new venture or life and feeling accomplished and happy.  This will help you manifest this new future. Finally, live this life you have imagined.

May you let go of old patterns and evolve to the soul that you are meant to be. (Copyright 2018 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Expectations of outcome as it relates to forgiveness

F63B39B9-E347-471A-82C7-D0D6A68C5C13As I reflect on my current circumstances in life, I have come to understand the connection between forgiveness and expectations out of outcome. Let me explain. As a child I was sexually and physically abused by my father. Throughout my adult life, I wanted vengeance and what I believe is a ‘fair outcome’ for someone like my father.

Many men were brought into my life who were either predators themselves or supported or enabled predators to injure others, including children. Through these individuals, I needed to learn my life lessons. What I did learn is that forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting our past or the events that harmed us. These lessons were meant to teach us something important about ourselves and how to love ourselves.

The most important part of forgiveness is that we give up and let go of expectations of outcome that never came into fruition for us earlier. It is this letting go of the Expectations of  outcome that allows us to forgive and move on without carrying these burdens with us along our journey forward. This will give us true peace.

This part of forgiveness has been the hardest  spiritual work  I have had to do thus far. However, I feel I am reaching this closer and closer each day. When I accomplish this, I will finally be able to move forward and finally leave  my emotional pain behind me. (Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)

Forgiveness

My recent phase of learning life lessons is about forgiveness. From childhood into adulthood, I have faced abuses, assaults, and other injuries. I know that in order to heal from my past pain, I must forgive those who have harmed me.

However, the trust with these people have been breached and I will always remember what they did to me. Now, I am learning how to navigate existing in the same space and future with them.

This has been difficult for me as I am trying not to take things they do personally but just to observe their actions. However, I no longer trust their judgment, statements, or intentions. It is this delicate balance of looking at things objectively, and seeing everything for exactly what it is without feeling victimized by their actions.

To transcend from the hardships and complexities of life means to objectively see the world exactly as it is without personalizing others’ actions. In this way, we no longer play the role of the victim.(copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)