Rebirth to Our Soul


During our spiritual journeys, we come to recognize that we are returning to the soul of our birth. It is a rebirth.  During this rebirth, we shed our dross and emotional pain to return to our essence or source.  Many describe this process as uncovering layers of an onion.  As each layers is pealed away, we evolve closer and closer to our soul or who we truly are.

As I progress through this process, that many call ascension or awakening, I mourn the loss of my smaller self or ego.  It is letting go of who I had come to believe I was in this physical body, and with whom I had identified for many lifetimes.  Even in the ascension or awakening process that is an uplifting progress, there is sadness and grieving in letting go of that which no longer serves us.  I no longer need to feel fear and resentment to be who I am.  I longer need to be the victim that I viewed myself.  I no longer need to be a codependent to survive in this world.

The mourning process involves, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, although not necessarily in this order.  For details about each stage, please see, “Stages of Healing Emotional Pain.”   I am currently in the depression phase with such feelings of sadness and grief, but I know that I will move past this phase to acceptance with joy, love, and compassion to carry me forward into my new life through this rebirth.  As you know, birth is not an easy or painless process, but the rewards outweigh any difficulties we may face.  (Copyright 2014 Living Wide Awake with All Rights Reserved)

What is Love?


This morning, I attended my yoga and meditation class, and we worked on meditation for the heart and opening our hearts. Today is a good day to discuss what love is? All during my childhood, I heard my parents say repeatedly that, they “love me,” and this mantra is heard regularly in my home.  However, the behaviors and actions of my family members did not show love.

What I experienced and observed was physical, sexual, and emotional abuse in my home between family members.  There was lying, deceit, secrets, and emotional manipulations that created distrust and suspicion between my family members.  There was codependency, dysfunctions, and boundary violations from sexual abuse, and there was fear, terror, and physical injuries from physical abuse. As an adult, I associated this abuse with love.

In my adult life, I continued this pattern of abusive and harmful behaviors with those in my life, and I continued to be abused in my adult life. I have since forgiven my parents for the abuse I suffered, endured, and survived to heal from my childhood trauma.  Although I have forgiven them for the abuse, I still acknowledge their abuse and do not deny or defend what they did.  What they did to me was wrong, but I don’t need to hang onto the hurt of my past. It is through this forgiveness that I have learned what love truly is.

Another part of love is self love that we do not need to tolerate continued abuse and manipulation either.  Forgiveness does not mean that we roll over passively to allow others to continue to abuse and manipulate us, and we do not need to allow them into our lives if they refuse to stop these harmful behaviors.  Abusers may not like to hear this as they may still be in denial about their abusive behaviors and manipulative actions.  If the abuse and manipulations continue, we must be prepared to walk away from them, but we can still send them our love everyday. (Copyright 2014 Living Wide Awake with All Rights Reserved)

To Be Thankful

Be thankful

Today is a day to be thankful for all the love we have in our lives.  I give thanks for those who looked in on me during this holiday because of my family difficulties, friends who shared their Thanksgiving holiday with me, and those who thought of me during this holiday.  I give thanks to the Universe for sending these people into my life.

As I heal more and more, I meet those who take care of each others, who are thoughtful and unselfish, and who are compassionate toward those less fortunate.  When I reflect upon my life, I feel hopeful for myself and my world.  I believe there is good in the world, even after experiencing abuse, abandonment, and hurt in my life by those I love.

I do not give into despair and darkness, as I have hope and love for our world.  It is this hope and love that will carry us forward onto another day.  Today, I give thanks for all the love that I have in my life.  Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones, even if you cannot be with them today.

Holistic Approach to Healing

energy_medicine_mind_body_spirit_0The purpose of my blog is to share the holistic approach to healing.  After the rise of my Kundalini energy, I began this holistic approach to healing from the energetic, psychological, and physical. Healing from just one perspective cannot give us complete healing as all these aspects are interconnected, and must be addressed holistically.  Our emotional landscape created from our psychological experiences translates to energy within our energy field or auras. The part of our energy field that stores negative emotions is called the painbody.  Our painbody within energy fields rests in our physical body where we may experience physical pain, ailments, and disease from this painbody.

I have spent nearly four year since the rise of my Kundalini energy to address my personal healing from this holistic approach.  What I found is that through energy practice we can heal past emotional wounds within our energy fields and painbodies.  Energy practice include, Reiki, meditation, chakra balancing, energy medicine, crystal healing, acupuncture, Chi Gong, yoga, and other forms of energy work.  However, it is the psychological work that changes our behaviors and thinking so as to avoid current and future emotional injuries, such as psychotherapy, regression therapy, hypnosis, dream analysis, behavioral therapy, addiction work, and art and music therapies.  Finally, physical work includes exercise, spending time in nature, yoga practice, aromatherapy, bodywork/massage, eating healthy, and traveling to other cultures to have experiences outside of our own lives are necessary to maintain a healthy mind/body balance in our lives.

Most individuals focus on one aspect of healing. Our society tends to focus on physical work to stay thin and fit.  Those in the spiritual community tends to focus on energy practice.  However, I believe that a holistic approach is necessary to reach a healthy mind/body balance.  May you find a healthy balance in your life. (Copyright 2014 Living Wide Awake with All Rights Reserved)


Breaking Free of Co-dependency

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When we reach a place of independence in our lives, we begin to feel emotionally differently than in our past.  These differences will feel slight in the beginning, but even these slight differences in feelings can begin to dramatically change and shift our lives.  These feelings begin with a feeling of detachment that occurred after I practicing for over three years Emotional Release practice and Observing Ego practice both found on my Blogsite Homepage under these tabs.

These feelings may feel like indifference of others or situations, but they are not.  We still feel love and concern for these individuals, but we do not need them to continue to remain in our lives. Let me give you an example.  I have several individuals in my life who continue to stay in abusive and harmful relationships and situations.  In the past, I feared losing them in my life, so I tolerated their dependency behaviors as I too was a co-dependent.  If we stay in these relationships and situations with them, we become enablers of the abuse of our loved ones.

Co-dependency spreads like a web, when we continue in co-dependency relationship as they frequently are abusive, destructive, and  harmful to us whether we are directly injured or we become enablers to allow our loved ones to be injured.  This spreads from co-dependent relationships to co-dependent relationships, and so on.  There is no good that comes with co-dependency.  The only way out of co-dependency is to cope with our fears of losing our loved ones, and when we face our fear of loss, we can break free from the cycle of co-dependency.

If others choose to remain as a co-dependent, then that is their choice, as only we can make choices for ourselves and get ourselves out of the cycle of co-dependency.  May you find freedom from your co-dependency.  (Copyright 2014 Living Wide Awake with all rights reserved)



Unlearning of Fear


Recently, someone was sent into my life to show me something about myself.  What was reflected back to me was something I don’t like much about myself.  I have struggled with jealousy, co-dependency, poor boundaries, and possessiveness for most of my soul, and I know it originates from my heart chakra blockage likely from emotional injuries to the heart over many lifetimes.

I believe this person was sent to me to show me this part of myself.  I appear to do fine with those I don’t have a great attachment,  but for those I feel very attached, this becomes a big problem for me.  She was my Reiki practitioner, but she began to become enmeshed in my life by asking about my personal interactions with others, wanting to get together outside of our sessions, and wanting more than a practitioner/client relationship.

First, let me say that she is a wonderful and talented practitioner of Reiki and bodywork, but she lacks proper boundaries, and is a co-dependent like me. She became quite jealous and possessive when she found out that I am working with others for my spiritual and healing work, and demanded to know if I intend to continue with them. This is when I decided to terminate my work with her, and began seeking another Reiki practitioner.

After this experience, I realize that I too drive away those who care for me by my jealous and possessive behavior. It is caused by fear of loosing those I love, but ironically, the result is exactly what I fear that is I drive away those I love, and I loose them anyway.  Our fear is our worst enemy, as what we fear most will likely happened as that is what the fear will attract under the Universal Law of Attraction. (Copyright 2014 Living Wide Awake with All Rights Reserved)

Why Things Are


During my spiritual journey, I have asked myself many times why things are the way they are.  I am at the cross road of my spiritual journey now as I am allowing the Universe to guide me. Recently, things have come to pass that I do not understand its meaning.  Why am I given to diverging paths from which to choose? What does this mean?  Is this a test?

Up to this point on my spiritual path, my path has been somewhat clear although it has taken twists and turns.  I have been guided by the Universe to move in certain directions, and through synchronicity, I have been guided in one direction or another. These past few months however, I have been given choices on my spiritual path.  Now, I am having to choose the path I must next take.  These paths take me to a different life and life styles.

I am attempting to let go of fear through Observing Ego Practice found that this tab on my Blogsite Homepage so that my choice is made through my higher self rather than ego’s fear and resistance.  As I move forward, I pray for guidance and hope that I choose wisely. (Copyright 2014 Living Wide Awake with all rights reserved)