Today is an appropriate day to reflect on the darkness that I faced in the past four years as it is Halloween. During the past four years, I have had to face the trauma from my childhood. I have been sent individuals who replicated my child dynamics in my recent life.
During this time, I have had to face the pain from my childhood involving betrayal, denials, secrets, and lies. All these dynamics were replayed again in my recent life. As I faced my past, I saw how I was treated, the fear within me, the hurt it caused, and the pain that remained within me. In the course of seeing this reality, I was able to see it for what it was, but these emotional wounds must be healed through the seven stages of loss and grief.
They are: 1) shock and denial, an attempt to avoid pain by denying the loss; 2) pain and guilt, a period of devastating pain and feelings that life is chaotic; 3) anger and bargaining, including emotional outbursts that can permanently damage relationships and attempts to bargain with a higher power for relief from the emotional pain; 4) depression and loneliness, or a period of reflection during which the person realizes the full impact of the loss; 5) upward turn, when the person begins to adjust to the loss; 6) reconstruction of life without the loved one; and 7) acceptance and hope.
Acceptance does not imply happiness. Instead, the grieving person can now reminisce about the loved one with sadness, but without intense emotional pain. I currently am in stage five of this recovery, and adjusting to my life without my family and without the feeling of loneliness and sadness.
I was stuck in stage two for most of my present lifetime struggling with pain and guilt, and coping through addictions and distractions. I feel very confident of my ability to move toward the reconstruction of my life without them, and the acceptance of what happened to me. My eyes are finally open now to see the light as I was in darkness for so long. (Copyright 2015 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)