Last night, I attended an event called Fear2Freedom. This event is to help and support sexual violence victims by assembling items needed after their forensics exams, such as clothing, hairbrush, tooth brush and paste, toiletries, etc., and this above teddy bear. After forensics exams, all the clothing and items worn by the victims are taken for evidence gathering, and the victims leave the hospital in paper scrubs.
The teddy bear above also is part of the kit, and in her heart area is a pocket where you could insert a piece of paper written with your fear about your sexual violence. When you have overcome your fear, you remove this piece of paper and place it in a glass of water where the ink will dissolve as a symbol of your emotional healing.
During this event, a short film showed many victims who were strong enough to talk about their sexual violence as every 2 minutes in the United States someone is sexual assaulted or abused mostly by someone they know. This was such a moving events and brought up the grief from my own childhood sexual abuse and subsequent sexual assault I suffered as an adult. When we have childhood trauma, the violence will frequently repeat as I also have observed with many of the students with whom I work.
The grief and despair I experienced after this event was deep. Somehow, I believed that I had overcome my grief of losing my innocence as my childhood was taken from me and replaced with fear for my own safety, loss of trust from those I love, and feelings of isolation and shame. As an adult, I allowed men to manipulate, injure, and abuse me. The grief of all this loss overwhelmed me with great sadness. However, this morning, I came onto WordPress and found an article on grief that made me realize that I am not alone as grief comes upon all of us. As humans, we experience loss and it is part of the human experience.
As part of my recovery, I was expecting some kind of apology from those who hurt me, but those apologies never came, instead these individuals blamed me for their violations and harm against me. In each of these situations, females who were violated themselves in the past contributed to the situation which I find very sad and troubling. For our own recovery, however, we must accept the apology we never received, and forgive them for their trespasses against us. (Copyright 2015 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)