Facing My Dark Night

junggg

During the Dark Night of the Soul, many issues of betrayal and trust have come up for me.  In order to engage in healthy relationships with others, I must overcome these fears of betrayal and trust as well as change my own decisions and behaviors.  My first experience with betrayal and trust began with my own father who forced me to lie and cover up about my sexual abuse he caused.

Because sexual abuse of your own child is such a taboo in any culture, his survival depended upon my willingness to cover up my own sexual abuse by him.  As an adult these type of dynamics repeated in my life where I became involved in relationships where I kept such secrets, and engaged in betrayal and deception.

Five years ago, I was a part of “triangulation” where a man with whom I had an affair was already dating another married woman.  In this dynamic, because I dated him later, I became the other woman in this triangle.  Throughout this on and off relationship, he hid me from her by hiding our interactions, refusing to acknowledge me on Facebook, and coving up my existence in his life.

There were actually four triangles with three occurring concurrently as this woman was already married so she was having an affair with my ex-boyfriend. Her husband also had an affair unbeknownst to her.  My ex-boyfriend while he was still married engaged in an affair with this married woman.  He also cheated on her by having me on the side, and I was married at the time.  All three marriages in these triangles dissolved and was destroyed by these betrayals and breach of trust.  This is karma at work.

As you can already tell by all this drama, betrayal, chaos, and deception, it was all terribly destructive and disturbing.  It takes a lot of very emotionally injured people to play out such destruction, and I was just as responsible as all these individuals.  In this story, reality was far more destructive and bizarre than fiction.

Now, I am in the process of healing this part of me where I was betrayed, and also became the betrayer myself.  This type of “triangulation” is a sign of serious emotional dysfunction caused by past emotional injuries or trauma.  In order to heal these parts of us, we must first admit to what we did, and take responsibility for what we did to ourselves and others.

I have set an intention never to repeat these decisions and behaviors again.  In fact, my vibrational frequency has changed significantly so that I no longer vibrate with this type of negative vibrational frequency.  These behaviors and vibrations no longer resonate with me as I find these behaviors repulsive and dissonant to my current energy.

It is through healing my emotional injuries from childhood and later in adulthood that will  give me another chance at my life of being the best possible version of myself, and living on the path of the highest good. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

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