Twin Flame Ascension

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My twin flame and I are working through the ascension process.  It has been very difficult as our emotional issues intertwine.  I recently began taking jazz piano lessons since I have been playing classical piano since the age of eight.  Initially, I didn’t really understand why I am taking lessons now, and recently, I  realized it is because I need to work through my fear of unworthiness.

When I was a child, my parent enrolled me in piano lessons, recitals, and piano competitions from the age of eight. I constantly was criticized for making mistakes, and being judged by parents and others.  I never felt good enough about my classical piano playing. Jazz piano is very different, in that it is free form.  Except for the rhythm and timing that must be spot on, there are no wrong notes to play.

As I journey through my jazz piano studies, I am learning to let go of all my fears, angst, and anxiety from childhood.  I work on these issues every time I sit down to play, as it is a moving meditation with Emotional Release Practice.  With hard work, I know I will overcome these fears within me.

At the same time, my twin is working through his fears of rejection and unworthiness.  Last night, I had to identify his issues involving his anger and rage within toward his father.  He is aware of these issues, but have not been working on them recently.  I saw his hardness and hurt within, and shared this with him.  It was a very difficult conversation, because I had to tell someone I love his deepest wounds and resulting behaviors.

With courage, he has stepped up to the plate and hopefully, he will persevere through these challenges.  If he fails to move forward, I explained that our union will falter, and he will fall into this deep darkness alone.  I have fallen myself into this deep darkness full of demons and karma, and vowed never to return there again. I am full of hope for my twin that he will overcome his demons, and heal this darkness.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

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Kundalini Energy is Not a Twin Flame Connection

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Unfortunately, I found this out the hard way.  Kundalini energy is not a twin flame connection.  If you have raised your Kundalini energy, and are involved with another Kundalini active person, it may feel like a twin flame connection.  This is why.  Kundalini energy is sexual energy that when shared with another has similar energetic feel because we are able to feel others’ thoughts, feelings, intentions, and feel sexually heightened due to this energy.

I am writing this post to share with those who are involved with another Kundalini active individual and believe they are your twin flame.  They probably are not.  Since my relationship with a Kundalini active man, I then dated non-Kundalini active men that felt very much ordinary until I met my twin flame.  It is only after entering into a romantic relationship with my twin that I realized that two Kundalini active individuals’ energy connection feel very much like a twin flame connection.

Here is the big difference.  Although this energetic connection may feel like a twin flame connection, there are few commonalities and similarities as twin flame would have.  If you believe you are in a twin flame relationships, the tell tale signs that you are not are that you may have some similarities, but live very different lifestyles, have differing interests, have different personalities, and did not meet in an organic way such as meeting in person.

When I met my twin flame in Italy in 2013, I did not recognize him as my twin because my spiritual work and emotional healing had not reached a level of full self awareness, and recognition of my own darkness. My ego was still running my life, and I was still connected in my mind to past karmic relationships.  Until I overcame my dark past, let go of my karmic relationships, and released my ego, I could not see him clearly although I felt him energetically.

This post is a warning to the wise that if you are Kundalini active and are engaged with another Kundalini active individual, and believe they are are your twin flame, you may be fooling yourself and still living in an illusion.  There are no short cuts to meeting your twin flame.  Like me, it took me a while to realize my reality, but ultimately, we all do. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Fighting My Demons

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If you are a regular reader, you may know that I entered into a twin flame relationship recently.  This has been such a challenge in that I know this relationship is different than any other one I ever have had.  He is my male counter-part in every way, spiritually, energetically, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  I no longer struggle to find commonalities in these areas with a partner.

However, as my twin flame, he has triggered so many deep seeded fears such as fear of loss, fear of abandonment, fear of betrayal, and ultimately, the fear of being injured and hurt again.  My old tapes and recordings of my past still haunt me as my father sexually and physically abused me, and had many romantic and sexual affairs, while my mother is mentally ill, and emotionally abused me.

This history has left me fearing being injured and hurt again, and these are my demons.  My twin is fighting his own demons as well, and has been sharing his fears.  Everyday, I try not to allow these fears to bleed into our amazing life together.  We take long walks, listen to jazz together, will play music together, create art, talk for hours about spirituality and deep emotional issues, share our spiritual practices, and we support each others’ hopes and dreams.  We both are wanderers, so we have many trips planned to hike, bike, camp, kayak, surf, ski, and who knows what else!

Our life together is amazing, but first we must overcome our demons and our past that still creep up on me when I least expect it.  I am on my spiritual journey, but now I have been sent my twin flame to help me navigate the tempestuous waters of the unknown.  May the Infinite guide us on this soul changing journey together. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

Surviving as a Twin Flame

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I met my twin flame in 2013 in Cinque Terre, Italy without evening realizing it.  At that time, I was trying to let go of several toxic karmic relationships, and in the chaos of the drama, I did not recognize who he was although I felt his energy.  During the past four years, we kept in touch by Facebook, and we visited during my trips to California to see my family.

In late 2016, I accepted a job in California near him and my family.   We have been inseparable since then, but our relationship is very intense energetically, emotionally, physically, and romantically.  It is the most unbelievable connection.  We have countless commonalities in our physical world, such as our professions, interests, and passions, in our emotional worlds as we have had similar histories with karmic relationships, our spiritual worlds as we both have our separate spiritual practices, and energetic worlds as we are connected intensely together.

This is the upside of my story.  The downside is that I am the runner in our relationship, and have been struggling with horrible fears arising from past betrayals, lies, deceptions, and infidelity.   As these fears have arisen, I have shared them with my twin because this time around I will overcome my fears with his help, love, and support.  In the past, other men have become enraged and acted out of ego, and I also blamed them instead of acknowledging my own doubts and fears.  As twins, we will constantly trigger each others’ fears as we are mirrors to one another in our experiences and emotions.

Like me, my twin is very brave and courageous in his life.  He takes on new challenges and faces his fears, and he is sharing with me his strength and endurance during my difficulties.  I must admit that my fears are so frightening to me as I am an empath, and when I connect with another, I feel that my privacy and personal space is invaded.  I struggle to find balance in my own life without becoming consumed by others.

I truly believe in my twin and his abilities to overcome his struggles as I truly believe in me.  For the first time in my life, I found someone just like me with true grit and courage.  When I love him, it feels like loving myself.  I would not have believed that I would meet my twin flame just a few years ago.  It only happened after I let go of my toxic karmic relationships and romantic soulmates that prevented my soul from moving forward as I was stuck for many lifetimes. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)