Facing My Demons


As many of my readers know, I am involved in a Twin Flame relationship.  This relationship will push us to our limits and force us to face the unresolved demons still within us.  This past weekend, I observed myself revert back to my demon of jealousy, anger, and feeling unworthy.  I also am understanding how I am relating to sex as I was sexually abused as a child.

This weekend gave me so much insight into my emotional landscape.  When my twin directs his attention to other women, I become jealous even when I know these women have no interest whatsoever in my twin, and he has no true sexual or romantic interest in them.  Most of his attention toward other women is his attraction to their physical appearance such as staring at their face, legs, and other body parts.   I know intellectually that physical attraction is fleeting and physical appearance is temporary.

However, I also know that my jealousy has to do with my feeling unworthy and inadequate. Although the degree of my jealousy is getting better, I still allow jealousy to control me.  I know I have wonderful qualities, but something in me feels incomplete. I lack that love that I did not receive from my parents, and feel the hole that still is in my heart.

Much of this feeling of lack resulted from my childhood sexual abuse by my father.  This sexual abused made me feel less than human and less than a woman now.  Recently, my twin and I explored sexuality beyond my comfort level, but I did not realize it because it felt exciting and stimulating.  It took my twin to help me acknowledge this within me.  This sexual exploration made me feel excited and stimulated, but they are from my old patterns of my past that I must change for a healthier emotional and sex life.

This is what I learned from this weekend.  My twin and I are changing our behaviors during the course of our relationship.  We are attempting to change our sex life to a more emotional and spiritual one where physicality becomes less and less important. This is our spiritual journey together, while we process these issues separately then we share our work together.  I feel I have passed the first part of an important test, and am so grateful for my twin and my blessings. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)


Sending Prayers for Twin Flames

This Twin Flame thing is really difficult as I traverse this journey with my twin.  As I begin to delve into our relationship, I have asked my twin to look at the conditions he places on his relationships.  We frequently fulfill our deficiencies through others.  For example, if we lack abundance, we depend on others financially.   If we lack self worth, we ask other to make us feel worthy.  As I address these issues with him that we must love unconditionally, he and I are both filled with fear and revert to the old familiar behaviors.

I think this is where the hard work begins.  Our time together is no longer filled only with fun and escape, but we begin the real work of healing.  I expressed my concerns with him, but this is causing great fear and angst.  Recently, both of us have reverted to old behaviors while he still holds onto karmic relationships and seeking approval from other women.  He has exhibited passive aggressive behaviors in defiance of my expressions of concern and to sabotage our progress.

These old behaviors, addictions, and karmic relationships must be addressed in order to move forward.  As we move forward in our ascension process, these old behaviors must be re-examined, addictions must be overcome, and karmic relationships must be given up.  These old patterns are from our past dysfunctional family dynamics and marital relationships.  Our success in moving forward will depend on how brave and courageous he is in facing his darkness and demons.

I am sharing my techniques and methods of healing and spiritual work with him, but the true test is whether he will weather this storm that is to come.  We will face our darkness full of unworthiness, self loathing, addiction, and fear.  I pray for our healing and send this prayer into the Infinite for guidance and protection.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)



Your Life Is Your Journey


I began my spiritual journey in March 2011 when my Kundalini energy rose.  This journey did not take me to the far reaches of the world, a pilgrimage trail, an ashram in India, a temple in Tibet, or a temple in Instanbul.  My journey exists in my everyday life through my job, through relationships, through people I meet, and even on a hike alone.  I realize that my life is my spiritual journey of self discovery.  I did not need to go anywhere!

This spiritual path forces me to confront my fears, learn patience through difficult people, change my unhealthy relationships, let go of what I cannot control, overcome toxic people and situations, forgive myself, and love myself.  Through changing my life, I transform and ascend on my spiritual journey.

For example, I was taking a hike the other day on a unfamiliar trail.  When I went beyond the point I was familiar, I began to turn back.  It took me three attempts, but I finally began to walk the path of the unfamiliar without any trail signs or map.  I just kept walking forward into the unknown, and in that moment, I overcame that fear that held me back and prevented me from walking forward.

A spiritual journey is about confronting the unknown that makes us afraid.  It is overcoming the unfamiliar obstacles and difficulties in life that we are confronted.  It is discovering ourselves, and learning that we are courageous and brave.  Everyday in our lives, we are confronted with our difficult journey.  It is overcoming these daily obstacles that is truly our journey.

If we take each person or situation as a life lesson, we will have covered many miles on our spiritual journey.  Every person and situation is our opportunity to learn about ourselves and change ourselves to live the higher path without fear and through self love.

Don’t stay stuck in your life to pacify your fears.  Don’t stay in unhealthy relationships in fear of being alone.  Don’t accept bad behaviors for fear of rejection.  Face your fears, accept yourself and your past, love who you are today, and learn to love others without condition.  Find your journey exactly where you are!  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)






Dependency Versus Unconditional Love

download (1)

I have written on this subject before, but it is an issue my Twin Flame and I are working through now.  Most human relationships are dependencies because they are conditional. Our relationships with our lovers, friends, and family are based on what we give to each other.  This is because of ego.  For example, if you give me love then I will return it, and if you give me a gift then I will return this gift.   It is this for that or quid pro quo. This is the quality of most human relationships through ego that makes our world go around and around.

Unconditional love is a whole other thing.  Love that is given without condition does not exist normally within our world, except God’s love for us, or your dog’s love for you. This is where most relationships and marriages fail, because once that condition changes or we no longer need that condition, the relationship fails. That, I believe, is the reason for the high statistics of failed marriages throughout our world.

How do we keep relationships alive and lasting?  I believe it is to love unconditionally the soul of another being.  This love is given freely, not because of someone’s appearance, wealth, status, talents, or even intelligence.  It is solely because you can see the beauty and the goodness within their soul.  Everyone has goodness within their soul, but you have the choice to whom you give this unconditional love.  Truly enlightened people give this unconditional love to every soul, but I am not quite there yet.

As I observe those around me as an empath, I can sense the basis of attraction between others.  If that attraction is based on a condition associated with a lack or deficiency in their lives, it is most likely a karmic relationships. For example, two people love each other because they have the same emotional injuries or lack.  This lack becomes the condition of their relationship when each fulfills the other’s lack.  The result of  this condition creates competition, resentment, jealousy, and more lack which is the manifestation of the dependency relationship and really is not love.

If two people attract based on condition such as, if you will help me, then I will help you, or if you take care of me then I will take care of you.  Although this relationship may be based on a soulmate connection, this relationship too will change or fail when the conditions change.  Whether a karmic or soulmate relationship, these conditional or dependency relationships will eventually change or dissolve as they did in my life.

This is when we must honestly look at the relationships in our lives, and begin to change those conditional or dependency dynamics to unconditional love.  You will know it’s a conditional or dependency relationship when you begin to change that dynamic with your friend, family, or lover, but they will oppose this change since that was your initial agreement together.   May you find unconditional love in your life. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Preparing for Twin Flame Union


My entire soul life has prepared me for my present existence.  I have walked through such darkness that most will not venture to find my way forward.  This darkness prepared me for my union with my Twin Flame that is nothing short of a miracle.  The union only occurred after I began seeking a Divine union within myself and guided by my higher self.

During this dark journey, I survived many karmic relationships filled with drama, chaos, and pain.  These relationships involved both my parents, lovers, and partners.  I survived all of them to live to tell about it.  During these karmic relationships, I learned to love myself, to love others unconditionally, to attract abundance, to find self worth and esteem, and to find my purpose in our world.

During this time, I began to evolved closer and closer to my Twin Flame.  During July 2013 when I was not even seeking a relationship, and was on my spiritual journey of self discovery alone, I met my Twin Flame in Cinque Terre, Italy.  Our meeting was completely unexpected as I was lost within my inner world trying to find myself.  My own soul searching brought me to my Twin Flame.

As I look back on my spiritual journey, I was brought and attracted karmic relationships with those with low self esteem and worth, those who lack abundance, and those with addictions and obsessions because these issues are within me.  These karmic relationships prepared me for the issues with my Twin Flame, and after uniting with my twin recently in January, 2017, we have been forced to face these difficult issues that we share.

Twin Flame journeys begin separately and our spiritual paths bring us closer and closer to our Twin Flames.  Even after our meeting in July, 2013, I felt unprepared for our union with my Twin Flame until I found my own Divine union, path, soul purpose, self love, and unconditional love for others.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)



Twin Flame Traps


As you ascend with your Twin Flames, there are some warnings I wanted to provide to those also in Twin Flame relationships.  There are many pitfalls and traps involved in this relationship just as any other, but the intensity of Twin Flame relationships can result in obsessive and co-dependent behaviors.

Because Twin Flames are friendship and passion on fire, we are essentially playing with fire.  Because we are so in tuned with our twin as we enjoy the same things, have similar professions, have similar missions, have similar hobbies, and have the same belief systems, we are completely in sync with our twins, and have great passion through tantra together,  it is not unusual to fall into these traps and pitfalls.

The energy between Twin Flames feel so comfortable and comforting, you want to spend every hour together doing absolutely everything together because we are the same.  The passion is through the roof with endless hours of tantric sexual connection.  All this good vibes can easily result in obsessing about our twin every minute of every day when we have jobs to fulfill and other life obligations.

The co-dependency occurs when we are so connected energetically, emotionally, and spiritually with our twin that we lose where they end and where we begin in this relationship.  We must be conscious and aware that we are still separate people with our own identity. Recently, I sat down with my Twin Flame to discuss these issues concerning me.

As Twin Flames, we communicate through unconditional love and compassion about these important issues. If we are to ascend with our twin, we must work together to resolve these issues that are even more pronounced due to the Twin Flame fire that fuel this intensity to a degree I have never experienced before with another.  May you find your path back on track with your Twin Flame.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)