Living as an empath has its drawbacks. One is not knowing if feelings I am experiencing is mine or others. Recently, I experienced three episodes of anxiety attacks while with my Twin Flame. One of these episodes occurred near an art gallery where I felt horrible pains in my chest and in my heart chakra of emotional pain and hurt. I ask my Twin if he had a negative experience there, and he described that a gallery owner earlier rejected his art work .
On two recent hikes together with my twin, I felt panic attacks when we were discussing about his artistic and musical pursuits. The first episode involved anxiety with tightness in my chest, and difficult breathing. The second episode involved tightness in my chest and nausea. When I described these feelings to my Twin, he expressed that he had been experiencing nausea in the morning for about a year. During each of these episodes, I sense thoughts of not being good enough or unworthiness.
I am in the process of understanding why I am experiencing feelings of panic and anxiety. Are my feelings of unworthiness being triggered within me? Since he is my twin, we have similar emotional wounds, so am I merely mirroring the negative emotions of unworthiness, lack, and insecurities? As I am energetically connected to my twin, am I experiencing his symptoms of panic and anxiety?
I sense that he blames others, particularly women for his feeling of inadequacy. Are we both blaming others for our own feelings of inadequacy? Maybe this is simply a mirroring of two Twin Flames trying to unravel our issues that are intertwined. I continue to struggle to understand what is actually happening. If you have any insights, please feel free to share and comment below. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
Fear is like waves on the ocean that come in ebbs and flows. This is what I have been experiencing after a recent argument with my Twin Flame. His behaviors triggered my past injury that felt so painful that I reacted in a way I have not reacted in over 15 years. I thought that injury was healed, but I am realizing that I still am emotionally wounded.
This emotional wound causes me to behave with distrust, jealousy, and fear of betrayal. I also realized and acknowledge that this wound is within me. I believe that my twin and I share similar emotional wounds causing us to trigger each other, and share the same fear of being injured again. I have been observing my thoughts and feelings as these waves of fear hit me.
Last night, I admitted to my Twin Flame my deepest fear of no longer being young and pretty as I age. My fear is that someday in the near future, he will trade me in for a newer and younger woman. Just saying these words out loud made my fears dissipate. It connected me deeply with my Twin to share such vulnerability and deep seeded fear of unworthiness and lack.
Fear is the voice that prevents us from being injured again, but it also is the voice that prevents us from moving forward in our lives. It keeps us stuck in the same emotionally wounded place as when we first were wounded by someone we love. Facing our fears is the first step to dissipating this fear, and taking away its power to rule our lives. May you overcome your deepest fears. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
In the last two weeks, I have been working through issues around sexuality and self worth. Because of my past childhood sexual abuse history, I have continued to experience low self worth and struggle with issues around sex. What I have experienced is that I do not feel valued as a person as I was sexualized very early in my childhood at the age of eight.
Because of this early sexualization, I did not emotionally develop normally as a woman. My self worth was intermingled with my sexuality. That is, I only feel worthy as a sex object as that was how my father treated me. The things that make us strong as women are our nurturing ability, compassion, kindness, caring, and intuition. As I ascend, I am trying to move in this direction, but I am stuck in this confusion of my sexuality and self worth.
I do feel sexy and sensuous, but it is tied up in the feeling of low self worth. I am trying to unravel these two issues that do not need to be intermingled. I can feel sensuous and sexy and still feel worthy. My awareness into these issues has caused me to feel my blockage in my sacral chakra. Recently, my Kundalini energy has been blocked in my sacral chakra that I believe is causing pain in my abdomen.
A recent argument with my Twin Flame has raised these issues into my awareness. I became jealous over other women because I did not feel worthy due to our sexual relations. It appears when I am sexually involved with a man, the feelings of lack of self worth is accentuated where I do not feel this way with men that I am not sexually involved. There also is great fear around sexual intimacy for me as I experienced secrecy, breach of trust, and sexual violations in my childhood.
I believe the issues around my lack of self worth is directly connected with my sexual relations with my partner. As I navigate these issues, I become very aware of my thoughts around other women involving my Twin Flame so I can take responsibility for my thoughts, reactions, and behaviors. I must heal this part of me in order to have a healthy, happy, and fulfilling romantic life. As my Twin Flame says, “Onward.” (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
As I progressed through my ascension work, I am reflecting upon my past failures and realized that I brought my failures upon myself. I have been divorced twice and suffered many failed relationships. Now, I am in a twin flame relationship and realize that I must change my past behaviors that caused these failures in order to experience true union with my twin.
The truth is that I have always blamed these failures upon my partners and spouses, but I was responsible for and contributed to them as well. I suffered low self-esteem from my childhood abuse and developed unhealthy behaviors such as addictions, avoidance/escape, and self sabotage to cope with my life. I suffered from depression, anxiety, and severe stress. I felt my life unraveling before me.
Now, I am forced to take a cold hard look at these failures and how I can change my life so my soul can be eternally with my twin soul who I truly love in this Universe. It is through unconditional and self love that will give me the strength to give up my past karmic relationships, unhealthy behaviors, self sabatage, and addictions.
It is through this honesty to myself that will allow me to see my reality no matter how difficult or ugly it may be. Only through healing this darkness will I find my way to the light. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)