In the last two weeks, I have been working through issues around sexuality and self worth. Because of my past childhood sexual abuse history, I have continued to experience low self worth and struggle with issues around sex. What I have experienced is that I do not feel valued as a person as I was sexualized very early in my childhood at the age of eight.
Because of this early sexualization, I did not emotionally develop normally as a woman. My self worth was intermingled with my sexuality. That is, I only feel worthy as a sex object as that was how my father treated me. The things that make us strong as women are our nurturing ability, compassion, kindness, caring, and intuition. As I ascend, I am trying to move in this direction, but I am stuck in this confusion of my sexuality and self worth.
I do feel sexy and sensuous, but it is tied up in the feeling of low self worth. I am trying to unravel these two issues that do not need to be intermingled. I can feel sensuous and sexy and still feel worthy. My awareness into these issues has caused me to feel my blockage in my sacral chakra. Recently, my Kundalini energy has been blocked in my sacral chakra that I believe is causing pain in my abdomen.
A recent argument with my Twin Flame has raised these issues into my awareness. I became jealous over other women because I did not feel worthy due to our sexual relations. It appears when I am sexually involved with a man, the feelings of lack of self worth is accentuated where I do not feel this way with men that I am not sexually involved. There also is great fear around sexual intimacy for me as I experienced secrecy, breach of trust, and sexual violations in my childhood.
I believe the issues around my lack of self worth is directly connected with my sexual relations with my partner. As I navigate these issues, I become very aware of my thoughts around other women involving my Twin Flame so I can take responsibility for my thoughts, reactions, and behaviors. I must heal this part of me in order to have a healthy, happy, and fulfilling romantic life. As my Twin Flame says, “Onward.” (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)