Resolving the pain of loss


When my kundalini energy rose in March 2011, I came to the knowledge that I had a daughter from a previous life time. I was pregnant with her out of wedlock, so I was forced to give her up for adoption. During that lifetime, I wondered if my daughter was happy, and if a good family adopted her. I believe that I continue to have difficulties with issues involving children for many lifetimes subsequently, because I never resolved my issues around this loss.

In this lifetime, I had the fortunate opportunity to meet a wonderful woman at my work, who became my dear friend. She has a daughter named Kathryn, who is strong-willed, beautiful, and smart. Kathryn and I have a very strong emotional and energetic bond, as I knew when she was coming into the world. During her mother’s pregnancy with her, I called my friend as I sensed something was happening. when my pregnant friend picked up the phone, she told me she was on her way to the hospital as her water had just broken. I also was at Kathryn’s birth when she became stuck in her mother’s birth canal,but her strong will helped her survive her birth.

This Thanksgiving, I spent time with Kathryn and her family. It was very clear to me that I needed to let go of the pain of loss from my past to move forward. Being with Kathryn gave me hope that my daughter had a wonderful adoptive family to care for and love her. It is time to let go of the pain from this loss from my past. May you heal from the pain of your loss.(Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)




This is my contribution to Barbara Franken’s A True Selection of Awakening Experiences Part III.  Thank you, Barbara for including me!

The most dramatic changes I have experienced during my spiritual journey during the past seven years involved letting go.  This process of letting go forced me to give up my past expectations, and the familiar patterns to become the person I am today.

My life began as child moving from relative to relative until I was eight years old. When I finally united with my parents, I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused.  During most of my childhood, I suffered post traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety.  As a young adult, I wanted to end my life many times.

I began psychotherapy in college as I was involved with men who physically, sexually and emotionally abused and assaulted me that was similar to my family dynamic.   I realized then that something was terribly wrong in my life.

In March, 2011, my Kundalini energy rose during a meditation session that caused utter chaos and confusion in my life as I never heard of Kundalini and was not particularly spiritual or religious.  Thus, began my spiritual journey that transformed my life and soul path.  I left my career to work with college students who have experienced sexual assault,  domestic/dating violence, stalking, and sexual harassment. I left my marriage that was not serving or understood my higher path and calling.

When  I arrived at these colleges to work with college students, dramatic shifts began to take place there.  Suddenly, Presidents were fired, Vice Presidents left, and high level administrators were terminated.  In all these situations, I had no authority to remove or terminate them, but events began to occur around me and around the work I was doing.

Now, I am evolving to a third phase of my transformation in my life and soul path.  I have been told that I am coming to the end of the second phase of my evolution. It is now time for me to share my professional and spiritual knowledge as I will assume the role of teacher/educator, and pass the direct service work with college students to the next generation.  However, in order for me to evolve to this third phase, I must continue to let go.

My post today is to share with you the art of letting go.  This is how I accomplish this:

  1.  Set the intention that you want to evolve and move forward to the next phase of your life and soul path.
  2. Fear will begin to surface, and you may vacillate in your decision to move forward.
  3. Begin to change expectations that are old patterns.  These expectations involve what you expect of yourself and others around you.
  4. Begin to let go of control and expectations of outcome, and allow the Infinite to guide you.  Everything will turn out exactly as it is intended and best for you.
  5. As you proceed in this letting go, fear will repeatedly speak to you through your ego.  You may hear that you will fail, it is too risky, and you have no guarantees. This will soon pass. Work through these fears by using Observing Ego Practice, an exercise that I use and share on my blog, Awakening Journey.
  6. Begin to change your behavior by actively preparing and moving toward your new intentions and ventures.  Since I want to teach and educate others, I am seeking opportunities in this area and working very  hard everyday toward this.
  7. Genuinely accept yourself and those things that you cannot control.
  8. Imagine in your mind of being successful in this new venture or life and feeling accomplished and happy.  This will help you manifest this new future. Finally, live this life you have imagined.

May you let go of old patterns and evolve to the soul that you are meant to be. (Copyright 2018 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Expectations of outcome as it relates to forgiveness

F63B39B9-E347-471A-82C7-D0D6A68C5C13As I reflect on my current circumstances in life, I have come to understand the connection between forgiveness and expectations out of outcome. Let me explain. As a child I was sexually and physically abused by my father. Throughout my adult life, I wanted vengeance and what I believe is a ‘fair outcome’ for someone like my father.

Many men were brought into my life who were either predators themselves or supported or enabled predators to injure others, including children. Through these individuals, I needed to learn my life lessons. What I did learn is that forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting our past or the events that harmed us. These lessons were meant to teach us something important about ourselves and how to love ourselves.

The most important part of forgiveness is that we give up and let go of expectations of outcome that never came into fruition for us earlier. It is this letting go of the Expectations of  outcome that allows us to forgive and move on without carrying these burdens with us along our journey forward. This will give us true peace.

This part of forgiveness has been the hardest  spiritual work  I have had to do thus far. However, I feel I am reaching this closer and closer each day. When I accomplish this, I will finally be able to move forward and finally leave  my emotional pain behind me. (Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)


My recent phase of learning life lessons is about forgiveness. From childhood into adulthood, I have faced abuses, assaults, and other injuries. I know that in order to heal from my past pain, I must forgive those who have harmed me.

However, the trust with these people have been breached and I will always remember what they did to me. Now, I am learning how to navigate existing in the same space and future with them.

This has been difficult for me as I am trying not to take things they do personally but just to observe their actions. However, I no longer trust their judgment, statements, or intentions. It is this delicate balance of looking at things objectively, and seeing everything for exactly what it is without feeling victimized by their actions.

To transcend from the hardships and complexities of life means to objectively see the world exactly as it is without personalizing others’ actions. In this way, we no longer play the role of the victim.(copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)

Last Tour of Duty

On my spiritual journey, I have been sent on missions from the infinite. I am told that this is my last tour of duty working with sexually and physically assaulted students at a college.

As I serve my last tour of duty, I ponder about this mission on which I have been sent. It has been the most arduous mission to date for me. I am physically and mentally exhausted from the chaos and suffering at this college.

As an empath, this suffering and pain can be intolerable for me. I struggle each day for self-care and protection against the toxicity and indifference at this college.

The political climate in the US with Donald Trump at the helm has made things that much worse for protection against sexual assault, dating violence, and stalking for college students.

During this mission, it has become harder and harder, and the work for this mission more arduous and insurmountable. This has been the most difficult and worst job I have held to date due to the people working here.

Part of my mission is to understand what I’m supposed to learn on this journey during my mission, and how I can transcend these hardships. Before I leave here, I hope to make this place a little bit better for our students and the next person responsible for protecting the safety and security of these college students. (Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved)

Self Love for Empaths

Since my spiritual awakening, I’ve become very sensitive empath. With these gifts, I am easily fatigued and exhausted by the energy and the needs of others.

When I discovered that my purpose in life is to help college students in sexual assault, dating violence, stalking, and sexual harassment situations, I began working on a college campus. The demands of this job can exhaust anyone but as an empath, I feel the effects more intensely.

Recently, the infinite sent me signs that I have not been taking care of myself including fainting from dehydration and fatigue. This weekend, I am enjoying a massages, reflexology and Reiki treatments.

I have made a commitment to myself to care of myself daily, including setting very clear boundaries and expectations with those who make great demands on my time and energy.

Self-care is a form of self love, and until we have loved ourselves, we cannot give love to others.(Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved.)

Living the Ordinary

On our spiritual journeys, there comes a time when all seems ordinary and the path is clearer. Let me explain.

During the spiritual journey, we work diligently to heal our emotional wounds, find our purpose in life, and seek inner peace. Through self love and acceptance, we begin to find this path forward.

On this arduous journey, at some point this path becomes clearer and the journey becomes easier. The daily hardship still remains but because the path is clearer, this clarity helps us through our journey ahead.

For me, this path feels like living an ordinary life without as much turmoil, drama, and suffering. This life does not involve expectations, judgments, and attachments.

What I found is that the extraordinary life that I thought I would live is really just an ordinary life. May you find the ordinary for your life. (Awakening journey Copyright 2018 with all rights reserved)

Understanding Purpose

There comes a time on our spiritual journeys that we begin to understand the path that we are given and why. One day, it all becomes so clear. There is a beginning, middle, and end.

For me, my path began with a childhood full of abuse, isolation, and fear. This beginning was intended to help me understand the pains and sufferings of others, to learn compassion, and to practice forgiveness for those who injured me. During the middle of my journey, I obtained the skills and strength to defend myself and others who are equally defenseless and vulnerable.

I am moving towards the last part of my journey. During this phase of my journey, my path is one of compassion, forgiveness, and finding ways to serve those who are injured, defenseless, and vulnerable. Once I learned my purpose for this lifetime, I am able to accept my path and let go of my resentments, fears, and resistance to this path.May you understand your purpose and path for this lifetime. (Copyright 2018 awakening journey with all rights reserved.)