THE ART OF LETTING GO – A TRUE SELECTION OF AWAKENING EXPERIENCES PART III

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This is my contribution to Barbara Franken’s A True Selection of Awakening Experiences Part III.  Thank you, Barbara for including me!

The most dramatic changes I have experienced during my spiritual journey during the past seven years involved letting go.  This process of letting go forced me to give up my past expectations, and the familiar patterns to become the person I am today.

My life began as child moving from relative to relative until I was eight years old. When I finally united with my parents, I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused.  During most of my childhood, I suffered post traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety.  As a young adult, I wanted to end my life many times.

I began psychotherapy in college as I was involved with men who physically, sexually and emotionally abused and assaulted me that was similar to my family dynamic.   I realized then that something was terribly wrong in my life.

In March, 2011, my Kundalini energy rose during a meditation session that caused utter chaos and confusion in my life as I never heard of Kundalini and was not particularly spiritual or religious.  Thus, began my spiritual journey that transformed my life and soul path.  I left my career to work with college students who have experienced sexual assault,  domestic/dating violence, stalking, and sexual harassment. I left my marriage that was not serving or understood my higher path and calling.

When  I arrived at these colleges to work with college students, dramatic shifts began to take place there.  Suddenly, Presidents were fired, Vice Presidents left, and high level administrators were terminated.  In all these situations, I had no authority to remove or terminate them, but events began to occur around me and around the work I was doing.

Now, I am evolving to a third phase of my transformation in my life and soul path.  I have been told that I am coming to the end of the second phase of my evolution. It is now time for me to share my professional and spiritual knowledge as I will assume the role of teacher/educator, and pass the direct service work with college students to the next generation.  However, in order for me to evolve to this third phase, I must continue to let go.

My post today is to share with you the art of letting go.  This is how I accomplish this:

  1.  Set the intention that you want to evolve and move forward to the next phase of your life and soul path.
  2. Fear will begin to surface, and you may vacillate in your decision to move forward.
  3. Begin to change expectations that are old patterns.  These expectations involve what you expect of yourself and others around you.
  4. Begin to let go of control and expectations of outcome, and allow the Infinite to guide you.  Everything will turn out exactly as it is intended and best for you.
  5. As you proceed in this letting go, fear will repeatedly speak to you through your ego.  You may hear that you will fail, it is too risky, and you have no guarantees. This will soon pass. Work through these fears by using Observing Ego Practice, an exercise that I use and share on my blog, Awakening Journey.
  6. Begin to change your behavior by actively preparing and moving toward your new intentions and ventures.  Since I want to teach and educate others, I am seeking opportunities in this area and working very  hard everyday toward this.
  7. Genuinely accept yourself and those things that you cannot control.
  8. Imagine in your mind of being successful in this new venture or life and feeling accomplished and happy.  This will help you manifest this new future. Finally, live this life you have imagined.

May you let go of old patterns and evolve to the soul that you are meant to be. (Copyright 2018 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

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Signs of Twin Flames

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Many have commented and questioned about my Twin Flame relationship.  These are the 14 signs and symptoms of Twin Flames relationship based on my personal experience as follows:

* Synchronicity and organic initial meeting (we met in person in Cinque Terre, Italy        when we both live in the United States)
* Sexual experiences together are tantric (dual energetic circuits)
* Rise of Kundalini energy during the journey together
* Able to feel each other’s emotions and experiences from the beginning (energetically        and emotionally)
* Similar life experiences and emotional landscapes although different races, ethnicity,        and cultures
* Incredible compatibility (best friends)
* Intense sexual and energetic connection ( intense sexual chemistry)
* Time stands still during our journey together
* Similar core values
* Similar spiritual journeys
* Similar professions
* Similar interests
* Similar lifestyle
* Similar tastes and preferences

These are the 14 signs and symptoms that I have experienced with my Twin Flame while others may experience other connections .   Although we also may experience these symptoms between two Kundalini active individuals, the compatibility and similarity between the two individuals are likely to diverge in their values, professions, interests, lifestyle, tastes and preferences.  Every Twin Flame experience is slightly different, but the similarities outweigh the differences.  It is both a compatible existence, but also a sexually intense connection.

The key to Twin Flame success is the ability to communicate about the intensity of this relationship, and working through the spiritual and emotional hurdles we face together.  My twin and I spend time each day to share how we are progressing on our respective spiritual journeys and our emotional healing progress.  We talk openly and authentically about our fears and how to work through the darkness we each face.  Twin Flames trigger each other’s emotional wounds, and reflect back to one another our darkness and lightness.

When I address my concerns about my twin, I am truly addressing my own injuries and wounds.  Whenever issues arise between us, I know I must do my own emotionally healing work just as he must do his work.  We are working hard and progressing forward together as his Kundalini energy is rising now, and his emotional work must be done in order for this Kundalini rising to be smooth and without so much physical pain and discomfort as it was for me.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Moving Through Fear

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Fear is like waves on the ocean that come in ebbs and flows.  This is what I have been experiencing after a recent argument with my Twin Flame.  His behaviors triggered my past injury that felt so painful that I reacted in a way I have not reacted in over 15 years.  I thought that injury was healed, but I am realizing that I still am emotionally wounded.

This emotional wound causes me to behave with distrust, jealousy, and fear of betrayal.  I also realized and acknowledge that this wound is within me.  I believe that my twin and I share similar emotional wounds causing us to trigger each other, and share the same fear of being injured again.  I have been observing my thoughts and feelings as these waves of fear hit me.

Last night, I admitted to my Twin Flame my deepest fear of no longer being young and pretty as I age.  My fear is that someday in the near future, he will trade me in for a newer and younger woman.  Just saying these words out loud made my fears dissipate.  It connected me deeply with my Twin to share such vulnerability and deep seeded fear of unworthiness and lack.

Fear is the voice that prevents us from being injured again, but it also is the voice that prevents us from moving forward in our lives. It keeps us stuck in the same emotionally wounded place as when we first were wounded by someone we love.  Facing our fears is the first step to dissipating this fear, and taking away its power to rule our lives.  May you overcome your deepest fears.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Facing My Demons

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As many of my readers know, I am involved in a Twin Flame relationship.  This relationship will push us to our limits and force us to face the unresolved demons still within us.  This past weekend, I observed myself revert back to my demon of jealousy, anger, and feeling unworthy.  I also am understanding how I am relating to sex as I was sexually abused as a child.

This weekend gave me so much insight into my emotional landscape.  When my twin directs his attention to other women, I become jealous even when I know these women have no interest whatsoever in my twin, and he has no true sexual or romantic interest in them.  Most of his attention toward other women is his attraction to their physical appearance such as staring at their face, legs, and other body parts.   I know intellectually that physical attraction is fleeting and physical appearance is temporary.

However, I also know that my jealousy has to do with my feeling unworthy and inadequate. Although the degree of my jealousy is getting better, I still allow jealousy to control me.  I know I have wonderful qualities, but something in me feels incomplete. I lack that love that I did not receive from my parents, and feel the hole that still is in my heart.

Much of this feeling of lack resulted from my childhood sexual abuse by my father.  This sexual abused made me feel less than human and less than a woman now.  Recently, my twin and I explored sexuality beyond my comfort level, but I did not realize it because it felt exciting and stimulating.  It took my twin to help me acknowledge this within me.  This sexual exploration made me feel excited and stimulated, but they are from my old patterns of my past that I must change for a healthier emotional and sex life.

This is what I learned from this weekend.  My twin and I are changing our behaviors during the course of our relationship.  We are attempting to change our sex life to a more emotional and spiritual one where physicality becomes less and less important. This is our spiritual journey together, while we process these issues separately then we share our work together.  I feel I have passed the first part of an important test, and am so grateful for my twin and my blessings. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Twin Flame Traps

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As you ascend with your Twin Flames, there are some warnings I wanted to provide to those also in Twin Flame relationships.  There are many pitfalls and traps involved in this relationship just as any other, but the intensity of Twin Flame relationships can result in obsessive and co-dependent behaviors.

Because Twin Flames are friendship and passion on fire, we are essentially playing with fire.  Because we are so in tuned with our twin as we enjoy the same things, have similar professions, have similar missions, have similar hobbies, and have the same belief systems, we are completely in sync with our twins, and have great passion through tantra together,  it is not unusual to fall into these traps and pitfalls.

The energy between Twin Flames feel so comfortable and comforting, you want to spend every hour together doing absolutely everything together because we are the same.  The passion is through the roof with endless hours of tantric sexual connection.  All this good vibes can easily result in obsessing about our twin every minute of every day when we have jobs to fulfill and other life obligations.

The co-dependency occurs when we are so connected energetically, emotionally, and spiritually with our twin that we lose where they end and where we begin in this relationship.  We must be conscious and aware that we are still separate people with our own identity. Recently, I sat down with my Twin Flame to discuss these issues concerning me.

As Twin Flames, we communicate through unconditional love and compassion about these important issues. If we are to ascend with our twin, we must work together to resolve these issues that are even more pronounced due to the Twin Flame fire that fuel this intensity to a degree I have never experienced before with another.  May you find your path back on track with your Twin Flame.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

Reflections From My Twin Flame

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This was a tough weekend of self reflection.  My twin flame has reflected back things about myself that I do not like, and things I want to change about myself.  I still face self doubt and feelings of unworthiness.  I know that when I see him, it reflects back to me those things that are the same.  I see in him the need for approval and affirmation from others, and as I react to him, I realize these are still emotional crutches I still have within me.

In the past, I would lash out at my partners for these weaknesses, but now I realize these are things within me that I do not like, and still need to change.  My instinct is to run from these feelings and distance myself from my reality.  It is difficult to face with all the dramatic changes in my inner and outer life that I still have more work to do.

It is easy to blame our twin for our own inadequacies instead of taking ownership of things ourselves.  I no longer wish to behave this way anymore; it is time to grow up.  What is still needing this approval and affirmation within me?  Why do I still have these feelings?  What is the fear driving these behaviors?   As I proceed with my Twin Flame, I continue to heal and reflect on what needs more emotional work.

When I heal, I will help my twin to heal as well.  So my spiritual journey continues onto the next phase of emotional recovery and spiritual growth.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Twin Flame Tantra

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Tantra has little to do with sex at all. In my twin flame relationship, this is the first time I have experienced tantra. Tantra is about unconditional love, energetic connection through Source or Divine energy, and spiritual ascension through sacred sexuality.

People confuse tantra with sex, because it is expressed through sacred sexuality. As I experience my relationship with my twin flame, I begin to understand that tantra is about deep unconditional love for another.

As a results of this deep unconditional love, we are able to experience an otherworldly energetic and spiritual connection through Source or Divine energy. We are able to experience sexuality and sensuality very differently then sexual intercourse.

Sexual intercourse is a mere sex act. Through Tantra, we experience heightened sexuality and sensuality without the goal of orgasm, but we focus on the pleasure and connection through this deep unconditional love with our partner.

It is truly sacred, and the sexuality between twin flames is the true extension of unconditional and deep love for our twin. My experience is that we transcend physical and worldly sexual intercourse for a deep and spiritual connection with another being. (Awakening Journey Copyright 2017 with all rights reserved)

Twin Flame Ascension

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My twin flame and I are working through the ascension process.  It has been very difficult as our emotional issues intertwine.  I recently began taking jazz piano lessons since I have been playing classical piano since the age of eight.  Initially, I didn’t really understand why I am taking lessons now, and recently, I  realized it is because I need to work through my fear of unworthiness.

When I was a child, my parent enrolled me in piano lessons, recitals, and piano competitions from the age of eight. I constantly was criticized for making mistakes, and being judged by parents and others.  I never felt good enough about my classical piano playing. Jazz piano is very different, in that it is free form.  Except for the rhythm and timing that must be spot on, there are no wrong notes to play.

As I journey through my jazz piano studies, I am learning to let go of all my fears, angst, and anxiety from childhood.  I work on these issues every time I sit down to play, as it is a moving meditation with Emotional Release Practice.  With hard work, I know I will overcome these fears within me.

At the same time, my twin is working through his fears of rejection and unworthiness.  Last night, I had to identify his issues involving his anger and rage within toward his father.  He is aware of these issues, but have not been working on them recently.  I saw his hardness and hurt within, and shared this with him.  It was a very difficult conversation, because I had to tell someone I love his deepest wounds and resulting behaviors.

With courage, he has stepped up to the plate and hopefully, he will persevere through these challenges.  If he fails to move forward, I explained that our union will falter, and he will fall into this deep darkness alone.  I have fallen myself into this deep darkness full of demons and karma, and vowed never to return there again. I am full of hope for my twin that he will overcome his demons, and heal this darkness.  (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Kundalini Energy is Not a Twin Flame Connection

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Unfortunately, I found this out the hard way.  Kundalini energy is not a twin flame connection.  If you have raised your Kundalini energy, and are involved with another Kundalini active person, it may feel like a twin flame connection.  This is why.  Kundalini energy is sexual energy that when shared with another has similar energetic feel because we are able to feel others’ thoughts, feelings, intentions, and feel sexually heightened due to this energy.

I am writing this post to share with those who are involved with another Kundalini active individual and believe they are your twin flame.  They probably are not.  Since my relationship with a Kundalini active man, I then dated non-Kundalini active men that felt very much ordinary until I met my twin flame.  It is only after entering into a romantic relationship with my twin that I realized that two Kundalini active individuals’ energy connection feel very much like a twin flame connection.

Here is the big difference.  Although this energetic connection may feel like a twin flame connection, there are few commonalities and similarities as twin flame would have.  If you believe you are in a twin flame relationships, the tell tale signs that you are not are that you may have some similarities, but live very different lifestyles, have differing interests, have different personalities, and did not meet in an organic way such as meeting in person.

When I met my twin flame in Italy in 2013, I did not recognize him as my twin because my spiritual work and emotional healing had not reached a level of full self awareness, and recognition of my own darkness. My ego was still running my life, and I was still connected in my mind to past karmic relationships.  Until I overcame my dark past, let go of my karmic relationships, and released my ego, I could not see him clearly although I felt him energetically.

This post is a warning to the wise that if you are Kundalini active and are engaged with another Kundalini active individual, and believe they are are your twin flame, you may be fooling yourself and still living in an illusion.  There are no short cuts to meeting your twin flame.  Like me, it took me a while to realize my reality, but ultimately, we all do. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)