Fear of Loss

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I believe everyone has fears of loss and abandonment, and that is one of my emotional issues.  My mother left me when I was one years old, and my father never met me until I was eight.  During my formative years (1-6 years old), I experienced abandonment.  After my mother and father left Taiwan for the U.S., I was left with my  maternal grandparents, and when they left for the U.S., I remained with my paternal grandparents until I was eight years old.  This left deep scars within me.

During my past life recollections, I remember my mother died when I was a young native American boy in another lifetime.  Yet in another lifetime, I recall my father abandoning my mother, sister, and me as I watched him drive away in his truck from our family farm. These traumas involving abandonment remain with my soul to the present day.

I recently  entered into a romantic relationship, I believe, finally with my twin flame/soul. These old memories and emotional wounds still haunt me.  As I proceed with my love, I fear him leaving me or loving another.  These fears still plaque me in my heart as I earlier attracted many other men who did leave me and love another.  This time, I realize that I must live beyond my ego filled with fear and doubt.

I currently use Observing Ego Practice to cope with these fears, but something is different this time.  As he has been away in China this last week, I am beginning to feel a shift within me.  I am missing him less and less each day as the week progresses, and I know you will think, this is terrible.  Quite the contrary, in my aloneness, I prove to myself that I am never alone and that I can be independent and care for myself.  I am freeing myself of co-dependency or attachment.

It is through unconditional love that I am with this man, and not because I depend on him for my existence.  When I am alone now, I know that my life can continue with or without him, and that all will be okay.  We can’t control when others will leave us, love another, or die, but I know I will be fine even if that comes to fruition. Even if my twin abandons me, I know my soul will still move forward as I am never truly alone. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved).

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Working through Community Trauma

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As I enter my my second month of work at a new university, I have been observing signs of community trauma. I believe that every human on earth has unresolved trauma.  Trauma can range from experiencing a car accident to the death of a loved one or a divorce to childhood abuse.  Most people have unresolved trauma, and currently living with some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

I believe our personal traumas can be further worsened or aggravated by community trauma, and those who have less trauma will further experience secondary trauma from others in the community.  Something traumatic happened to this community, and now they are operation 24/7 under fight or flight mode of existence.  These people must live such horrible existences in fear, distress, and triggered trauma.

As I enter this work environment, I am checking on my ego constantly as everyone is operating in perceived fear and crisis mode, and triggering others through secondary trauma.  All decisions must be made by consensus in group of six or more.  Nearly the entire university is operating its programs in fear or crisis mode, and is unaware of what is happening.  The students are feeling the distress, fear, and trauma too.

I have become the calm voice and person in the turbulent storm attempting to calm their fears and distress.  Outsiders who deal with us cannot understand why nothing is working and everyone is fighting amongst each other.  I try to calm their fears with much difficulties as each person is triggering others directly or through secondary trauma.

I asked the Infinite for help and what I should do.  I am told to love them despite not liking these people very much as they will distort the truth, lie, and cheat in fear of getting into trouble.  I am told that I must hold these people accountable for what they do, but must empower them to live at their highest potential.

My conversation with the Infinite is that I will try for one year to see how much progress I can make, then I will move forward to others who are ready to do the hard work of emotional recovery, healing, and growth.  I believe that I am destined to help those who are ready to help themselves.  I ask the Infinite for guidance, strength, and patience along my journey forward. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

The Right Path?

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How do you know if you are on the right path for your life? This is how you know. The path comes naturally without great struggle or resistance. You will be chosen for the job that is right for you when you are ready. You will just meet the person who is right for you when you are ready. I am not saying that you don’t need to apply for the job or show up to the interview on time, or that you don’t need to work on relationships.

The things that are meant for us will come to us when we are ready. It will appear through synchronicity.  If you struggle or feel resistance, it is because it is what your ego wants so you try to control it.  The trick is to find acceptance when you don’t get what you want, because it is not meant for you.

This may seem counter-intuitive because we have been taught to go out there and get what you want. What we have control of is giving our best effort and working hard in our work and relationships. It is not to force and control ourselves and others into a job or relationship we “want.”

May you find your path on your journey forward. Sending love to you on this Sunday morning! (Copyright 2016 Awakening with All Rights Reserved)

Mirror, Mirror

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Have you ever wondered why you attract unsuitable partners and drama-filled friends into your life?  How many times have you said to yourself, why did I marry this person or date that person?  Why are my friends constantly in conflicts and involved in drama in their lives?  The answer is very simple.  It’s called chemistry, or we know it as energetic frequency in the spiritual community.

Everyone is fully aware of this phenomenom called chemistry.  It is why we are attracted to certain people and not others.  We like certain people and dislike other people.  Most of the time, we don’t really know exactly why this is only upon a brief meeting with another.

The explanation is quite simple, but many have difficulties accepting this.   We attract what we are, that is we attract those at the same vibrational frequency as us.  This causes the chemistry between two people.  If we vibrate at a different frequency than another, then we feel a dissonance or discord within our energy fields, and the result is repulsion or dislike of another.  It is simple quantum physics.

Over the course of human evolution, our egos have developed a protective mechanism of sorts to protect us from seeing the true realities about ourselves.  Our egos feed us information about ourselves that do not accurately reflect who we really are, also known as self perception.  For example, sex offenders and murders continue to offend because their egos justify their decisions, actions and habituated behaviors to allow them to continue, sometimes with more frequency and severity.

In extreme cases, it is called psychosis, delusion, or mental disorder.  However, everyone exhibits this phenomenon to some degree. So how do we truly see who we really are?  We observe those who we attract into our lives, and who they are as our egos are able to see others very accurately and precisely.  Observe who your partners and friends are.

In the course of my life, I was attracted, for most of my current life and previous lifetimes, to men who are sexual predators, philanders, cheaters, liars, and some were violent. I attracted women who are mentally ill and emotional unstable.  This told me quite a lot about myself who suffered from sexual and physical abuse from childhood by my father, and grew up with a mentally ill and undiagnosed mother.

I began to observe that there was something seriously wrong in my life after I left home and attended college.  In college, I began psychotherapy to help me figure out what was wrong in my life.  Through my recovery, I tried to overcome my attraction to abusive, predatory, and sometimes violent men.   In an attempt to overcome my problems, I married a very kind, honest, and devoted man, but I found him boring, unexciting, and had no chemistry with him.

This marriage did not survive because I again became attracted to abusive, predatory, and even violent men.  Even my intentional attempt to change my circumstances, I could not overcome my energetic frequency, and thus, my attraction to these men who are not good for me.  As time went on, it became clear to me that I must change my own energetic frequency to attract healthier, kinder, and more loving people into my life.

Thus, I began my spiritual journey when my Kundalini energy rose in March of 2011, and I relentlessly committed my efforts to heal my sexual and emotional injuries I sustained as a child and later as an adult.  I understood that I must change who I am to attract who I want into my life. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

Dark Energy

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It is true that where there is light, there also is darkness.  I have come to the conclusion that spiritual people, including Kundalini active individuals are like all people. Some are good and some are dark.  I came to this conclusion when I encountered my first Kundalini active person who was full of darkness.

I knew there was trouble when he boasted to me that he could put thoughts into people’s minds, and make them do things against their free will.  At that time, my Kundalini energy had not risen, so I was bewildered at how he was able to do this.  He told me about how he could put ideas or thoughts into other’s minds to get something he wanted.  Sometimes, it’s a book or items he wanted.

Little did I know that he put ideas into my mind about loaning him money as he lacked abundance and struggled with supporting himself.  I then realized that I was not the only person who was manipulated.  He tended to focus on women he would charm our pants off.  After charming us, he would put these ideas into our minds as if they were our ideas.  I realized that I was being manipulated because I rarely loan anyone money, not even to my family members.  It was just a rule of mine as my family has a history of being enbroiled in conflicts and arguments over money.

Other women he wooed also loaned him money.  They were frequenty amounts of several hundred dollars to several thousand dollars as he makes a meager living. Be aware of your own actions and your thoughts triggering these actions.  They may not be your own ideas or thoughts, and if these actions do not conform to your normal behaviors, these actions may not be under your own free will. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Right Reserved)

 

Reflecting on Past Lessons

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In the last couple of months, I have been reflecting on my journey for the past five years.  It is coming full circle, I reflected on the men I earlier attracted who were similar to my father.  One person was so similar to my father as his son also does not speak to him and even changed his last name.  Like me, I have not spoken to my father in 25 years because he abuses children and women. Many in his life do not associate or speak to him which is extremely sad.  I recently saw people connected to this man in my passing and wondered what that means.

Like me, many of the women I attracted into my life were equally broken and emotionally troubled similar to my mother.  Many believe they are healed and are healer themselves.  We are all attracted to the kind of men I earlier attracted.  How can we be well if we are attracted to abusers of children and women?  This was my past, and I intend to keep them in my past as I have changed so dramatically.  At some point, we all move forward past these troubled people, as we no longer share this wounded and negative energy.

The irony is that these individuals truly believe they are well and healed because they speak of positive and spiritual things.  However, they do not practice them.  Their behaviors are not congruent to what they preach.  They preach love and healing and claim to be awaken, but they engage in infidelity with others, lie about and to themselves and others, and use their intuitive abilities to manipulate others and for self gain.  They have high tolerance for inappropriate bahaviors as they practice spiritual bypass.

In the end, karma caught up with them and they lost those they love, their financial stability, and their lives as they knew it.   Proof is in the pudding!  How our life is reflects what we have done in our life.  It is no one else’s fault, and only we are responsible for the outocome of our own life. Reflect upon your life to determine what you have done in your life. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

Living in the Shadow of Ego

 

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Awakening is awareness of what is happening to your present existence.  Many are not aware of what is happening to them in their current life situation.  If we have not released our egos, we live in the small microscopic world of jealousy, greed, envy, resentment, rage, pain, suffering, and chaos.  This is the world created by our egos of circular thinking.

In this world, we lie to ourselves that I call self deception, repress and suppress our feelings, and live in self delusion.  In this delusional world, others are to blame for the negative outcomes of our lives, others cause hurt and pain within us, and if only others changed than our lives would be happy.  Sadly, this is utter delusion and self deception.

The first and hardest step is becoming aware and recognizing the delusional world of our existence called the “Dark Night of the Soul.”  This is an awakening experience when the soul finally recognizes what we have done to ourselves, and that we have been running around and around in a maze of our own creation.  It is the aha moment when we finally see the truth.

This is the pivitol moment in the evolution of our souls and awakening to the truth about ourselves and our lives.  We realize that we are not the smaller self of ego who points fingers at others, live in denial, and creates this delusion that is our existence.  It is the soul evolving, growing up, and becoming its authentic self.  We begin to take responsibility for our lives, live our truths, and change our lives for the better because no one else can do this for us.  May you awaken to your truth and reality. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

The Power of Your Energy

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There has always been synchronicity in my life. However, after I began my spiritual and emotional healing Journey, my world began aligning with the Universe.  As my Kundalini energy rose, my intuitive also abilities were heightened.

Other empaths have shared that they can hear the thoughts and feelings of others.  I have always been very sensitve, but after my Kundalini energy rose, I began feeling the feelings and hearing thoughts of those around me and at a distance of those close in my life.

Last night was the first time that someone from my distant past responded to my thoughts and contacted me.  Last night, I saw a movie about two lovers who ran into each other after they left each others years earlier.  The male character in the moive was an Asian man.  They reconnected but it was frought with problems and past hurts.

One hour into this movie, I received a message on my work email from my Asian ex-finance who I was engaged to while in college. I have not heard from him in over 30 years. It actually freaked me out as this coincidence was too close to home.  I was a completely different person in college when he knew me, and I have transformed even in the past five years.  I no longer have any feelings for him, and feel neutral indifference as we all feel when we get over our ex’s.

However, this synchronicity told me that my thoughts have power to connect and move others to action.   I have used the lazy empath’s method of connecting with others, as I would think about someone to call me, text me, or email me, and then there message would appea on my phone or computer.

I have known people to use this ability for selfish or manipulative reasons.  There are empaths and Kundalini active individuals who manipulative others for their money, possessions, and even love.  As empaths, we must use our abilities for the good of others, and not for selfish reasons.  Many empaths have learned to block out others from our energy fields, but those who are unaware of energy can easily be maniplated.

If our abilities are used to satisfy our ego’s greed, fears, vengence, or hatred, then we will be confronted by our own karma.  Taking responsibility is critical in the evolution of our souls.  What we reap, we shall sow.  Think positive, do good, and good will return to you. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

Calm in the Storm

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There are people in this world who create chaos and confusion.  The truth is that they are not even aware of it.  They are unreliable and undependable, are constantly in crisis that is self created, expect everyone to accommodate their lives, engage in unhealthy and destructive behaviors, intentionally seduce married people, instigate conflicts with others, lie, cheat and steal.  The cause of all this chaos and confusion is emotional injuries and wounds within each person. There is a rippling affect to this chaos and confusion that permeates everyone and everything they touch. I call them, “toxic people.”

This is what I have noticed about what is happening in our world.  These toxic people create this rippling effect all around them and tap into the emotional injuries and wounds of others creating more chaos, confusion, destruction, and suffering, and so on and so on.  They are not evil people, but they are toxic within.  Unfortunately, they are completely unaware of their behaviors because their egos tell them that they are justified and delude them into believing their own self deception.

When we have healed our emotional wounds and find peace within, we no longer engage in behaviors causing chaos and confusion to ourselves and others.  The first thing is awareness of toxic people, and their actions.  They will tell you that they never intended to hurt you, but without awareness and in denial about their actions, they will continue to stand by this statement.

Watch and observe these people in the world.  They are the ones pointing fingers at others all the while engaging in lying, cheating, stealing, and unhealthy and destructive behaviors.  They are constantly involved in turmoil and crisis, and play the victim seeking help from anyone who is gullible enough to get involved with them. Do not allow yourself to react to this toxicity, but remain calm and just observe the chaos.  I have been gullible myself, so observed them from afar and then walk away. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)