THE ART OF LETTING GO – A TRUE SELECTION OF AWAKENING EXPERIENCES PART III

transformation1

This is my contribution to Barbara Franken’s A True Selection of Awakening Experiences Part III.  Thank you, Barbara for including me!

The most dramatic changes I have experienced during my spiritual journey during the past seven years involved letting go.  This process of letting go forced me to give up my past expectations, and the familiar patterns to become the person I am today.

My life began as child moving from relative to relative until I was eight years old. When I finally united with my parents, I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused.  During most of my childhood, I suffered post traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety.  As a young adult, I wanted to end my life many times.

I began psychotherapy in college as I was involved with men who physically, sexually and emotionally abused and assaulted me that was similar to my family dynamic.   I realized then that something was terribly wrong in my life.

In March, 2011, my Kundalini energy rose during a meditation session that caused utter chaos and confusion in my life as I never heard of Kundalini and was not particularly spiritual or religious.  Thus, began my spiritual journey that transformed my life and soul path.  I left my career to work with college students who have experienced sexual assault,  domestic/dating violence, stalking, and sexual harassment. I left my marriage that was not serving or understood my higher path and calling.

When  I arrived at these colleges to work with college students, dramatic shifts began to take place there.  Suddenly, Presidents were fired, Vice Presidents left, and high level administrators were terminated.  In all these situations, I had no authority to remove or terminate them, but events began to occur around me and around the work I was doing.

Now, I am evolving to a third phase of my transformation in my life and soul path.  I have been told that I am coming to the end of the second phase of my evolution. It is now time for me to share my professional and spiritual knowledge as I will assume the role of teacher/educator, and pass the direct service work with college students to the next generation.  However, in order for me to evolve to this third phase, I must continue to let go.

My post today is to share with you the art of letting go.  This is how I accomplish this:

  1.  Set the intention that you want to evolve and move forward to the next phase of your life and soul path.
  2. Fear will begin to surface, and you may vacillate in your decision to move forward.
  3. Begin to change expectations that are old patterns.  These expectations involve what you expect of yourself and others around you.
  4. Begin to let go of control and expectations of outcome, and allow the Infinite to guide you.  Everything will turn out exactly as it is intended and best for you.
  5. As you proceed in this letting go, fear will repeatedly speak to you through your ego.  You may hear that you will fail, it is too risky, and you have no guarantees. This will soon pass. Work through these fears by using Observing Ego Practice, an exercise that I use and share on my blog, Awakening Journey.
  6. Begin to change your behavior by actively preparing and moving toward your new intentions and ventures.  Since I want to teach and educate others, I am seeking opportunities in this area and working very  hard everyday toward this.
  7. Genuinely accept yourself and those things that you cannot control.
  8. Imagine in your mind of being successful in this new venture or life and feeling accomplished and happy.  This will help you manifest this new future. Finally, live this life you have imagined.

May you let go of old patterns and evolve to the soul that you are meant to be. (Copyright 2018 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Advertisements

Fear of Loss

tumblr_moam5vEPxG1sqdieto1_1280

I believe everyone has fears of loss and abandonment, and that is one of my emotional issues.  My mother left me when I was one years old, and my father never met me until I was eight.  During my formative years (1-6 years old), I experienced abandonment.  After my mother and father left Taiwan for the U.S., I was left with my  maternal grandparents, and when they left for the U.S., I remained with my paternal grandparents until I was eight years old.  This left deep scars within me.

During my past life recollections, I remember my mother died when I was a young native American boy in another lifetime.  Yet in another lifetime, I recall my father abandoning my mother, sister, and me as I watched him drive away in his truck from our family farm. These traumas involving abandonment remain with my soul to the present day.

I recently  entered into a romantic relationship, I believe, finally with my twin flame/soul. These old memories and emotional wounds still haunt me.  As I proceed with my love, I fear him leaving me or loving another.  These fears still plaque me in my heart as I earlier attracted many other men who did leave me and love another.  This time, I realize that I must live beyond my ego filled with fear and doubt.

I currently use Observing Ego Practice to cope with these fears, but something is different this time.  As he has been away in China this last week, I am beginning to feel a shift within me.  I am missing him less and less each day as the week progresses, and I know you will think, this is terrible.  Quite the contrary, in my aloneness, I prove to myself that I am never alone and that I can be independent and care for myself.  I am freeing myself of co-dependency or attachment.

It is through unconditional love that I am with this man, and not because I depend on him for my existence.  When I am alone now, I know that my life can continue with or without him, and that all will be okay.  We can’t control when others will leave us, love another, or die, but I know I will be fine even if that comes to fruition. Even if my twin abandons me, I know my soul will still move forward as I am never truly alone. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved).

Working through Community Trauma

931245_342106829246154_79895465_n-300x208

As I enter my my second month of work at a new university, I have been observing signs of community trauma. I believe that every human on earth has unresolved trauma.  Trauma can range from experiencing a car accident to the death of a loved one or a divorce to childhood abuse.  Most people have unresolved trauma, and currently living with some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

I believe our personal traumas can be further worsened or aggravated by community trauma, and those who have less trauma will further experience secondary trauma from others in the community.  Something traumatic happened to this community, and now they are operation 24/7 under fight or flight mode of existence.  These people must live such horrible existences in fear, distress, and triggered trauma.

As I enter this work environment, I am checking on my ego constantly as everyone is operating in perceived fear and crisis mode, and triggering others through secondary trauma.  All decisions must be made by consensus in group of six or more.  Nearly the entire university is operating its programs in fear or crisis mode, and is unaware of what is happening.  The students are feeling the distress, fear, and trauma too.

I have become the calm voice and person in the turbulent storm attempting to calm their fears and distress.  Outsiders who deal with us cannot understand why nothing is working and everyone is fighting amongst each other.  I try to calm their fears with much difficulties as each person is triggering others directly or through secondary trauma.

I asked the Infinite for help and what I should do.  I am told to love them despite not liking these people very much as they will distort the truth, lie, and cheat in fear of getting into trouble.  I am told that I must hold these people accountable for what they do, but must empower them to live at their highest potential.

My conversation with the Infinite is that I will try for one year to see how much progress I can make, then I will move forward to others who are ready to do the hard work of emotional recovery, healing, and growth.  I believe that I am destined to help those who are ready to help themselves.  I ask the Infinite for guidance, strength, and patience along my journey forward. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Until We Learn What We Need to Learn …

18cfbbbb10f517b6795eabd560183bc6

As I began my  new job about a month ago, I have come to realize that many of the old issues are repeating.  I am seeing the same issues with different people, and the Universe has brought back lessons apparently I have not fully learned. At work, I am encountering people who do not take responsibility for themselves, point fingers, and blame others for their failures.

My supervisor is very passive and is terrified of offending others, and as I set boundaries and hold others accountable, she also blames me for attempting to set healthy boundaries.  The question I am asking myself and the Universe is why is this happening?  What am I doing wrong?  Why has she been sent to me?

This is the same dysfunctional behavior from my childhood.  The school where I work is filled with chaos, drama, and people behaving badly toward each other.  Why am I still attracting this in my life?  How do I overcome being around this bad behaviors without becoming part of these bad behaviors?

In my personal life, I earlier encountered individuals who behaved badly and created horrible drama through infidelity, cheating, lying, deception, and general disrespectful behaviors.  I have finally found people who take responsibility for themselves in my personal life now, and treat others with respect and with healthy boundaries.  But why am I still attracting these bad behaviors at work?

My guess is that I must transcend this bad behavior and must not feed into the drama and chaos at work.  I must rise above this chaos without being drawn into it, and when I do, I will finally be released from these people and no longer react to them.  I believe this is the reason that they are still here in my work life as I have not learned what I still need to learn.  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved).

Loving Fearlessly

rose-piano-hd-live-fearlessly-quote

When we live without fear, we are able to love fearlessly.  After five years of emotional healing and spiritual work, I finally learned to love fearlessly.  My fears of abandonment, being unloveable, and rejection are in my past, and I am living a different life now.

Recently, when I went through a box of old journals and notebooks, I found a page written in early 2013 about reading some books on Abraham Hicks on the law of attraction, and learning to energetically aligning with what we want.  Essentially, we energetically become what we want to attract.

Our aura or energetic frequency is composed of our emotional and mental vibrations.  Trauma, negative experiences, and emotional injuries create a certain vibration which attracts similar vibrations.  Many will meet or attract those who continue to abuse, hurt, and injure them, and cannot understand why this is happening as I did for a long time.

In this journal on this page, I found a list of things I wrote that I want in my life, including a loving, honest, and loyal relationship, a fulfilling and satisfying career, and my own healing and becoming my higher self. As I reflected on these words, I realize that I have received all that I asked for.

These miracles of finding my soulmate, finding a fulfilling job at a university where I am helping many students, and internal peace and love for myself are the results of changing my energetic frequency to attract what I want.  May you heal and attract what you want. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved).

Kundalini Syndrome Revisits

kundalini-feeling-so-yummilicious

It has been awhile when I last posted, since I have been busy moving, getting settled, starting a new job and relationship. It is everything I asked for, so don’t wish too hard, you may actually get what you want.  Last night, I experienced an episode of Kundalini syndrome that I have not experienced for about two years.

As I slept, I felt this surging energy in my solar plexus chakra as my Kundalini energy became blocked there.  Initially, I thought I was experiencing indigestion as I had a late supper of spicy Thai food.  After taking medication and my symptoms did not subside, I realize that I was experiencing my Kundalini energy becoming blocked in my solar plexus chakra.

I have been fully aware of issues in my new relationship as he became more demanding of my time asking to spend a large part of my weekend, and traveling during the week to his concerts.  As I have a very emotionally demanding job of working with sexually assaulted students, my energy was completely depleted last night as I drove one and half hour each way to attend his concert.

As I drove to the concert, I knew that I needed to take back my power by setting healthy boundaries, as his behavior was becoming codepedent which is a behavior that I have been trying to break.  I did not bring up these issues with him after the concert and when I returned home, the energy in my solar plexus chakra began vibrating vigorously while I felt terrible pain in my stomach and abdomen.  This went on for most of the night, and I was unable to sleep for most of the night.

When I awoke the next morning, the pain had subsided some, and I called my boyfriend describing what I had experienced. I also requested some limits on our time with each other as well as why I needed this time to take care of my myself and the things I need to do for my life.  He was very understanding and agreed that limitation on time together will benefit him as well.  Almost immediately after our conversation, the pain in my solar plexus chakra completely vanished.

The miracle of Kundalini energy is that it will alert me of the problems when I fail to address them in my life.  It keeps me honest and authentic because when I am not true to myself, I experience physical pain which I then must determine the origin of the blockage to my Kundalini energy.  It is both a blessing and a curse, but it helps me navigate my life. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved).

In the End

6360004036005151341971270067_9

In the end, everything works out for the best. Over four years ago, I was involved in a destructive triangle with two Kundalini active people. As I was abused as a child, this was the dynamic from my childhood. These two individuals were married to others when they became emotionally and energetically involved.

The irony in all this, is that the spouses of these two individuals moved onto others who love them now, and they are in happy committed relationships. When I was involved with the man in this triangle, the woman was married to someone else.

Even I moved on to find love in my life, and am in a committed relationship with someone who is perfect for me. It appeared that these two individuals served as life lessons for all three of us of what we don’t want in our lives.

As a result of meeting these two Kundalini active people, I was able to find, after letting them go, a loving and kind man who is good to me. I am grateful that I met these two Kundalini active individuals because I will never repeat this type of behavior with anyone else again.

I believe these two individuals serve as important life lessons for many they encounter.  As I reflect back now, I am no longer angry, but I feel very grateful that they forced me to let go of my past, and showed me the right  and higher path. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with all rights reserved.)

Creating Our Illusions

2e284f74c7db5958e16ccf6a8a4c03f8

Through addiction, we create an  illusion for our lives. Some are addicted to people called codependency, some to places called destination addiction, some to substances such as drugs or alcohol, and some to activities such as work, gambling or gaming.

Addiction is a form of self medication or negative coping skill we developed to deal with our trauma or loss. It is a way of escaping or suppressing the negative emotions that exist within us. We even find others or are attracted to others with the same addiction to validate our illusions.

I had destination addiction for a long time. The big difference in my life now is I no longer wish I am somewhere else to be happy. Every day, I recalled an exotic location to dream about my happiness there. These day dreams would be a romantizied memory of my past. This is called destination addiction, and truly is only an escape from my unhappy life.

I am learning to find happiness within myself wherever I am. True happiness does not exist in another place, even a beautiful place. True happiness is in the current moment in your present life. May you find happiness where you are! (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with all rights reserved.)

Building Trust

image

As many of my readers know about my history, my father was a philanderer who lied to my family to hide his philandering. As an adult, I became attracted to philanderers and liars.   My resulting adult life was filled with angst of distrusting men and suspicious of their intentions and actions. In the recent past, a man I dated brought many of these fears to the surface.  While dating me, he was involved with countless other women and passed a deadly sexually transmitted disease to me and other women. This relationship really shook me and caused me to shy away from sex all together.

On this phase of my journey, I am attempting to overcome my distrust of men. First, I am aware of my feelings of distrust caused by my past experiences. In my current relationship, I am dealing with these waves of fear of being hurt and lied to again in my life. As these waves come over me, I allow them to release without reacting to them. I realize that all men have women friends as long we have a solid relationship, those other women do not bother me.

With philandering men, I notice that their attention and time are frequently redirected to the interest of other women at the expense of passing up time with me. As I am an intuit, I know when someone is lying to me, or attempting to deceive me. I frequently have confronted them to their dismay.

Every man deserves a chance.  However, once they stray then I move on as I believe I deserve so much better. I don’t need leftovers as there are many fish in the sea.  If we don’t demand better treatment, then we will never receive better treatment. This is what I have learned the hard way. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)