Living as an Empath

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Living as an empath has its drawbacks.  One is not knowing if feelings I am experiencing is mine or others.  Recently, I experienced three episodes of anxiety attacks while with my Twin Flame.  One of these episodes occurred near an art gallery where I felt horrible pains in my chest and in my heart chakra of emotional pain and hurt.  I ask my Twin if he had a negative experience there, and he described that a gallery owner earlier rejected his art work .

On two recent hikes together with my twin, I felt panic attacks when we were discussing about his artistic and musical pursuits.  The first episode involved anxiety with tightness in my chest, and difficult breathing.  The second episode involved tightness in my chest and nausea.  When I described these feelings to my Twin, he expressed that he had been experiencing nausea in the morning for about a year.  During each of these episodes, I sense thoughts of not being good enough or unworthiness.

I am in the process of understanding why I am experiencing feelings of panic and anxiety.  Are my feelings of unworthiness being triggered within me?  Since he is my twin, we have similar emotional wounds, so am I merely mirroring the negative emotions of unworthiness, lack, and insecurities?  As I am energetically connected to my twin, am I experiencing his symptoms of panic and anxiety?

I sense that he blames others, particularly women for his feeling of inadequacy.  Are we both blaming others for our own feelings of inadequacy?  Maybe this is simply a mirroring of two Twin Flames trying to unravel our issues that are intertwined.  I continue to struggle to understand what is actually happening.  If you have any insights, please feel free to share and comment below. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

Kundalini Syndrome Revisits

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It has been awhile when I last posted, since I have been busy moving, getting settled, starting a new job and relationship. It is everything I asked for, so don’t wish too hard, you may actually get what you want.  Last night, I experienced an episode of Kundalini syndrome that I have not experienced for about two years.

As I slept, I felt this surging energy in my solar plexus chakra as my Kundalini energy became blocked there.  Initially, I thought I was experiencing indigestion as I had a late supper of spicy Thai food.  After taking medication and my symptoms did not subside, I realize that I was experiencing my Kundalini energy becoming blocked in my solar plexus chakra.

I have been fully aware of issues in my new relationship as he became more demanding of my time asking to spend a large part of my weekend, and traveling during the week to his concerts.  As I have a very emotionally demanding job of working with sexually assaulted students, my energy was completely depleted last night as I drove one and half hour each way to attend his concert.

As I drove to the concert, I knew that I needed to take back my power by setting healthy boundaries, as his behavior was becoming codepedent which is a behavior that I have been trying to break.  I did not bring up these issues with him after the concert and when I returned home, the energy in my solar plexus chakra began vibrating vigorously while I felt terrible pain in my stomach and abdomen.  This went on for most of the night, and I was unable to sleep for most of the night.

When I awoke the next morning, the pain had subsided some, and I called my boyfriend describing what I had experienced. I also requested some limits on our time with each other as well as why I needed this time to take care of my myself and the things I need to do for my life.  He was very understanding and agreed that limitation on time together will benefit him as well.  Almost immediately after our conversation, the pain in my solar plexus chakra completely vanished.

The miracle of Kundalini energy is that it will alert me of the problems when I fail to address them in my life.  It keeps me honest and authentic because when I am not true to myself, I experience physical pain which I then must determine the origin of the blockage to my Kundalini energy.  It is both a blessing and a curse, but it helps me navigate my life. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved).

What the Soul Knows

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As some of my readers know, I have memories of my past lives. In one of my past lives, I was an unwed mother in the 1800’s living in the south of the United States. The father of my child and my suitor abandoned us and ran off with another woman.   I was the daughter of a well-to-do southern family, and my suitor was more interested in my family’s money than me or my daughter.  After he abandoned us, I gave birth to my daughter who I then gave up for adoption.

I have been searching for my daughter’s soul for many lifetimes, and wondered if she is okay.  Mothers never forget their children, even if many lifetimes have passed. We always have a knowing deep within about the child we aborted or gave up for adoption.  The scars run deep for mothers.

In this lifetime, I met a woman named Erin at work who reminds me a lot of myself.  She is strong-willed, smart, and takes no shit.  She also met her husband at our work, and she gave birth to a daughter named, Kathryn.   When Erin was pregnant with Kathryn, I had this incredible connection to Kathryn.  One day as I sat at work, I felt that Kathryn was arriving, and called Erin.  Incredibly when I called, Erin was enroute to the hospital because her water had just broken.

Erin was in labor for 36 hours, and I went to the hospital to wait for Kathryn on the night she came into the world.   In my mind, I saw Kathryn struggling to exit the birth canal as she was stuck and in crisis.  As I waited, I finally felt and saw Kathryn leaving the birth canal.  Although she was not breathing and was very small when she was born, she is a healthy, smart, and happy toddler now.

As I am leaving to move to California, I spent Thankgiving and New Year’s Eve with Kathryn and her parents.  I believe Kathryn has the soul of my past daughter from another lifetime, and I know she is in good hands with loving parents.  I will miss her little face, and wonderful strong-willed personality.  I finally found my daughter, and know that she is okay.

Souls don’t forget souls, and death does not change what the soul knows.  Death is a mere transition for the soul, and knowing this makes death less frightening for me. I know I will encounter my loved ones again in another lifetime, or maybe as an etheral body in the Universe.  Whatever the case, we will all see each other again. Sending love and light to you in the new year! (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Gratitude for 2017

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I have much gratitude going into 2017 as there is so much to be grateful for in my life. I am grateful for all the doors that closed in my life and the many situtaions that did not turn out the way I wanted them.  In retrospect, those people, opporutnities, and situations were never meant for me.

What I perceived initially as rejection or abandonment are really serendipity and synchronicity for my life. I did not enter into relationships, did not get job offers, and did not get selected for certain situations.  Because of these missed opportunities, I had better opportunities waiting for me that is perfect for me and meant for me.

When we are occupied with the ego’s need to control outcomes whether they are relationships, careers, job opportunities, or other situations, our lives will constantly feel like a struggle.  We lack abundance, have failed relationships, have unsuccessful careers, and generally fail to move forward.

Our ego does not know what is best for us, but our higher self does.  Many of us still operate in the smaller self or ego so we continue to fight the path that is not meant for us, so our lives continue to feel like a huge uphill battle.

In my life now if something does not work out in the way that I hope, I always say to myself, “This is simply not meant for me. Something better is waiting for me.” I see my life now with a very bright horizon, and everything falling into place like a giant jigsaw puzzle.  I no longer question the why, but simply accept what is meant for me, will come to me. (Copyrigth 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

The Life of a Light Worker

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I am a light worker, but did not come to acknowledge this until recently.  My life is not like others, and it became clear to me recently that I am not like others.  I am not married, do not have children, and don’t even have a pet.  Although I tried to be like others earlier in my life, I was married and my husband wanted children but we were unable to have our own.  We were in the process of adoption when our marriage did not survive and we terminated the adoption.

I don’t know what my life will be in the future, but for now, I move from place to place serving as a catalyst and reflect back like a mirror to others of who they truly are.  This can be both good and bad as many are not ready for transformation or even a small change.  I scare some as they are frightened by their own reflection in the mirror of what they see. Wherever I go, I have been able to effect miraculous change to my community, or just individuals around me.

I know all that I do in my life is intended to help my world. Now, I am helping sexually assaulted students and minorities students encountering hate.  In the near future, I also will be helping rescue animals and sick people through Reiki.  I even found a new home with the perfect space for a Reiki studio for people with wheel chairs to receive treatment with me.

As I move forward on my spiritual journey, everything I need has been provided for me, and all the pieces are falling miraculously into place. I sold my home and my house closes right when the new job I want begins.  I found the right job for me, a new home, and am meeting new friends even before moving to California.  It is like the road is paved for me, because I found the right path forward.  Don’t get me wrong, I have had to work very hard applying for jobs and researching them, looking for housing, and willing to meet new people.

My higher self is telling me what to do at every step, and I follow her advice and direction on my path forward.  So far, everything she has told me has come true, and all the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place on my journey forward.  I am humbled by all that I have experienced. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All RIghts Reserved)

 

Finding the Light

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I awoke this morning with such gratitude in my heart.  Yesterday, I sold my house, and also got a second interview for a university job I want in California!  There has been so much synchronicity in my life now with each moment of each day.

The couple who bought my home wants to close on a specific date in January.  It just so happens to be the same date the new semester begins at the university where I want to work.  What are the chances of that?

I am listening to my intuition to guide me to the next step of my journey.  The location of this job is perfect as it is about 2 hours from my family with just enough distance for a healthy buffer, but close enough to visit for a weekend or for the holidays.

This next position continues my calling to work with sexually assaulted students as well as protect minority students that is so important now with the changes in the political climate in the United States. I feel so very blessed on my spiritual journey forward, and it seems that I finally found my way out of the darkness into the light. Blessings of light and love to you. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Living the Miracle

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When we begin to heal ourselves, learn to love ourselves, and let go of people and things that no longer serve us, there are miracles and great rewards awaiting us.  Today was this miracle day for me.  For the past several months, my inner voice has been telling me how to proceed.  As a stubborn human being, I saw dreams and visions, but was skeptical about them.

My inner voice has been telling me to sell my house, that I will find a job in California to continue working with sexual assault victims, and that I will build a Reiki practice in California.  She tells me to find a house with a studio space for my Reiki practice and that I will find clients without even advertising because of my genuine wish to help others will bring clients to me.  She tells me that I will have a partner in my life, and I will make peace with my family.

For some time, I wondered if it would come true.  I began just as she advised, by getting certified as a Reiki Master, preparing my  house for sale, and looking for jobs in California.  Well, today I am one step closer to this reality as a job in California materialized that is perfect for me.  The job is just as I had hoped with only additional staffing needed in this office.   The region is affordable for me to live with my income near mountains and a long bike trail for recreation.  It also is one of the best areas to start a small business.  Now, what are the chances of this?

It happened just as I saw in my vision as it appeared on my computer screen today.  I will find the perfect house to rent with a studio space for my Reiki practice, and my life will fall into place just as she tells me.  I am a true believer of miracles now.  Blessed be.  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

Soaring into Unfamiliar Territory

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When we are on a spiritual journey of emotional healing and growth, there will come a time that we are traveling in unfamiliar territory.  This is where I am now.  What feels unfamiliar is how I am interacting now with my world.  I am not interested in dependency of others, so I feel disinterested in becoming entangled with others either romantically or with their drama.  It just is not interesting or neccessary for my life now.

I feel very certain about how I want to spend my time, and don’t waste time doing things I don’t want to do.  Recently, someone invited me to a football game and tailgating which I dislike and thanked him, but declined the invitation.  I have stopped pacifying and trying to please others, so I don’t do those things anymore, and I feel such relief because my self esteem no longer is dependent on others liking me.

I am moving forward in my life without knowing the outcome or trying to control the outcome.  I am listening to my inner voice on how to best proceed. It feels like flying in a fog in a plane without nagivational equipment to help me find my way.  I am moving forward only with my intuition and a little scared with anticipation.  My world feels competely differently now, and what a ride!

Is this how freedom feels?  Is this living without attachment?  Is this enlightment? I don’t yet know the answer to my questions.  It certainly feels foreign, but uncharacteristically comfortable.  My life is no longer influenced or dependent on others, and I move forward sometimes with obstacles in my way, but it is not stressful and debilitating as my life was earlier.

Here I go and where I land, I do not know.  I feel lighter and lighter, and the weight of my past is falling away.  This is the pure joy of the spiritual journey, and this is what soaring like a bird feels like.  May you find your journey into the heavens!  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Through Dreams

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In recent dreams, I have been seeing my future.  It is not my current life of frustration, stress, and disatisfaction with my job.  In my dreams, I live a different life with a companion. I believe dreams are what we hope for ourselves.  It is through dreams that we discover what we really wish and the life we want.

In my dreams, my future is filled with love and healing as I become a full-time healer.  I have my own practice to help others, and there is someone by my side who is my partner. Through these visions, I am being guided to work toward my future.  Last month, I pursued my certification as a Reiki Master.  I also know that I must master energy protection techniques and learning conscious awareness of my own energy and others.

I have begun to practice these techniques so that I can begin to practice Reiki without taking on others’ energy, and also establish my practice.  Dreams are only ideas and visions. In order for dreams to be realized, we must work and put strategic efforts toward manifesting these ideas and visions. In addition to the physical efforts, I also use positive affirmations and thoughts to manifest what I want.

Deep within me, I know my path is bright, and my future will provide me the avenue to serve my purpose in the world.  I will allow myself to flow with this energy, and am patiently allowing my life to unfold.  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)