Living as an Empath

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Living as an empath has its drawbacks.  One is not knowing if feelings I am experiencing is mine or others.  Recently, I experienced three episodes of anxiety attacks while with my Twin Flame.  One of these episodes occurred near an art gallery where I felt horrible pains in my chest and in my heart chakra of emotional pain and hurt.  I ask my Twin if he had a negative experience there, and he described that a gallery owner earlier rejected his art work .

On two recent hikes together with my twin, I felt panic attacks when we were discussing about his artistic and musical pursuits.  The first episode involved anxiety with tightness in my chest, and difficult breathing.  The second episode involved tightness in my chest and nausea.  When I described these feelings to my Twin, he expressed that he had been experiencing nausea in the morning for about a year.  During each of these episodes, I sense thoughts of not being good enough or unworthiness.

I am in the process of understanding why I am experiencing feelings of panic and anxiety.  Are my feelings of unworthiness being triggered within me?  Since he is my twin, we have similar emotional wounds, so am I merely mirroring the negative emotions of unworthiness, lack, and insecurities?  As I am energetically connected to my twin, am I experiencing his symptoms of panic and anxiety?

I sense that he blames others, particularly women for his feeling of inadequacy.  Are we both blaming others for our own feelings of inadequacy?  Maybe this is simply a mirroring of two Twin Flames trying to unravel our issues that are intertwined.  I continue to struggle to understand what is actually happening.  If you have any insights, please feel free to share and comment below. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

Kundalini Energy is Not a Twin Flame Connection

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Unfortunately, I found this out the hard way.  Kundalini energy is not a twin flame connection.  If you have raised your Kundalini energy, and are involved with another Kundalini active person, it may feel like a twin flame connection.  This is why.  Kundalini energy is sexual energy that when shared with another has similar energetic feel because we are able to feel others’ thoughts, feelings, intentions, and feel sexually heightened due to this energy.

I am writing this post to share with those who are involved with another Kundalini active individual and believe they are your twin flame.  They probably are not.  Since my relationship with a Kundalini active man, I then dated non-Kundalini active men that felt very much ordinary until I met my twin flame.  It is only after entering into a romantic relationship with my twin that I realized that two Kundalini active individuals’ energy connection feel very much like a twin flame connection.

Here is the big difference.  Although this energetic connection may feel like a twin flame connection, there are few commonalities and similarities as twin flame would have.  If you believe you are in a twin flame relationships, the tell tale signs that you are not are that you may have some similarities, but live very different lifestyles, have differing interests, have different personalities, and did not meet in an organic way such as meeting in person.

When I met my twin flame in Italy in 2013, I did not recognize him as my twin because my spiritual work and emotional healing had not reached a level of full self awareness, and recognition of my own darkness. My ego was still running my life, and I was still connected in my mind to past karmic relationships.  Until I overcame my dark past, let go of my karmic relationships, and released my ego, I could not see him clearly although I felt him energetically.

This post is a warning to the wise that if you are Kundalini active and are engaged with another Kundalini active individual, and believe they are are your twin flame, you may be fooling yourself and still living in an illusion.  There are no short cuts to meeting your twin flame.  Like me, it took me a while to realize my reality, but ultimately, we all do. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Kundalini Syndrome Revisits

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It has been awhile when I last posted, since I have been busy moving, getting settled, starting a new job and relationship. It is everything I asked for, so don’t wish too hard, you may actually get what you want.  Last night, I experienced an episode of Kundalini syndrome that I have not experienced for about two years.

As I slept, I felt this surging energy in my solar plexus chakra as my Kundalini energy became blocked there.  Initially, I thought I was experiencing indigestion as I had a late supper of spicy Thai food.  After taking medication and my symptoms did not subside, I realize that I was experiencing my Kundalini energy becoming blocked in my solar plexus chakra.

I have been fully aware of issues in my new relationship as he became more demanding of my time asking to spend a large part of my weekend, and traveling during the week to his concerts.  As I have a very emotionally demanding job of working with sexually assaulted students, my energy was completely depleted last night as I drove one and half hour each way to attend his concert.

As I drove to the concert, I knew that I needed to take back my power by setting healthy boundaries, as his behavior was becoming codepedent which is a behavior that I have been trying to break.  I did not bring up these issues with him after the concert and when I returned home, the energy in my solar plexus chakra began vibrating vigorously while I felt terrible pain in my stomach and abdomen.  This went on for most of the night, and I was unable to sleep for most of the night.

When I awoke the next morning, the pain had subsided some, and I called my boyfriend describing what I had experienced. I also requested some limits on our time with each other as well as why I needed this time to take care of my myself and the things I need to do for my life.  He was very understanding and agreed that limitation on time together will benefit him as well.  Almost immediately after our conversation, the pain in my solar plexus chakra completely vanished.

The miracle of Kundalini energy is that it will alert me of the problems when I fail to address them in my life.  It keeps me honest and authentic because when I am not true to myself, I experience physical pain which I then must determine the origin of the blockage to my Kundalini energy.  It is both a blessing and a curse, but it helps me navigate my life. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved).

In the End

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In the end, everything works out for the best. Over four years ago, I was involved in a destructive triangle with two Kundalini active people. As I was abused as a child, this was the dynamic from my childhood. These two individuals were married to others when they became emotionally and energetically involved.

The irony in all this, is that the spouses of these two individuals moved onto others who love them now, and they are in happy committed relationships. When I was involved with the man in this triangle, the woman was married to someone else.

Even I moved on to find love in my life, and am in a committed relationship with someone who is perfect for me. It appeared that these two individuals served as life lessons for all three of us of what we don’t want in our lives.

As a result of meeting these two Kundalini active people, I was able to find, after letting them go, a loving and kind man who is good to me. I am grateful that I met these two Kundalini active individuals because I will never repeat this type of behavior with anyone else again.

I believe these two individuals serve as important life lessons for many they encounter.  As I reflect back now, I am no longer angry, but I feel very grateful that they forced me to let go of my past, and showed me the right  and higher path. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with all rights reserved.)

Kundalini Energy as Catalyst

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Happy New Year!  In the new year, it is an opportunity to reflect on what I have learned about myself.  Shortly after the rise of my Kundalini energy in March 2011, I began to realize what this energy means to the world, and what it means to be Kundalini active.  It is both a blessing and a curse. Shortly before the rise of my Kundalini energy, I met a Kundalini active man.  After my Kundalini energy rose, I interacted with him for about four years, and it became clear to me how  Kundalini energy serves the world.

Kundalini energy serves as a catalysts for change, but many in the world whom we encounter are not ready for this change.  We frighten many people because interacting with us is like looking into a mirror.  We mirror back to others what they are not able to see due to their egos. However, when they encounter our Kundalini energy, it allows them to see things about themselves.

Many people I encounter react very negatively to me, and find my energy heightens their problems within them.  For example, if someone is a codependent, their behavior will worsen around me. If they have low esteem, their fears of being unworthy will be heighted around me.  Many have blamed me for causing these negative emotions, when in reality these problems are within them.  Although we can trigger these negative emotions, these emotions already exist within them.

Because Kundalini energy serves as catalysts, once we have served our purpose, we move on.  Just as catalysts in a chemical reaction does not remain with the reaction, we too move on to catalyze others.  It is helpful to know the catalytic purpose we serve for others.

Since meeting this Kundalini active man, other Kundalini active individuals have contacted me to engage, but I realize that these individuals will not likely remain in my life as I understand their purpose.  We would catalyze each other to assist each other in our spiritual growth, but the interaction may be quite turbulent due to the nature of Kundlaini energy.

I have declined these invitations as I have chosen to travel alone on my spiritual journey. I believe my path is the clearest when I am the solitary traveler. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

 

 

Living in Fear

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Most of us may not even realize it, but we live with constant fear nearly every minute of every day. Fear is not just about being frightened about any particular thing, person, or event, it is a mental state.  This is what I feared.  I feared change, abandonment, rejection, trusting others, being unlovable, being unworthy, being alone, and being injured again.

The problem with this fearful mental state is that we do not take any risks, and cannot grow or move forward.  Although I wanted very much to move foward, I was stuck and living in the purgatory of this mental state. I lived in this misery for a long time.

Another problem with living in this fearful mental state is that we will attract this exact energy that we fear.  Like energy attracts like energy, and I met others who abandoned me, rejected me, told me I was unworthy, deceived and lied to me, or physically or sexually injured me.  I created more misery for myself, and lived in this misery for a very long time.

The third problem is that our perceptions because of our fears will keep us in this fearful mental loop.  If we fear being abandoned, we attract this energy into our lives, and then we are abandoned by them.  We convince ourselves that we are victims because what we fear actually came true so others are doing this to us just like we fear. This is called victim mentally, and  I lived in this misery for a even longer time.

A critical part of moving forward and overcoming these fears is our willingness to face our own fears.  This is what I did.  I decided to leave my marriage and live alone because I fear being alone. I purchased a house and a car on my own.  I began to change my life first with small things like standing up for myself, uncluttering my life as I can be a hoarder, and learned to set healthy boundaries.

I began to work on my self worth and esteem by learning to accept who I am, including my light and darkness, with the belief that I can overcome my darkness.  I began to take care of myself by going to the doctor, exercising, eating healthier, and making better life choices.  I coupled these efforts with emotional release practice, and other healing modalities.  Please see my earlier post on “Emotional Release Practice.”

In other words, I began to work on myself by looking inward, and taking responsibilty for my own life choices.  With these efforts, my life started to change as I began attracting different people, situations, and events into my life that was different from my earlier life.  This is how I know what I am doing is actually working.

When we confront our fears, and take responsibility for our life choices, we begin to attract very different energy into our life, and the outcomes reflect this new energy. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

Accepting the End

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When I saw this above meme, I realize it was speaking to me.  For the past five years, I have been letting go of everything I have ever known or understood about my own life.  It is a gradual process of releasing my ego’s identity and how I see myself.  It is the Dark Night of the Soul as many describe on their spiritual journeys.

This awareness and recognition of who I was and my darkness within, gave me the vision and intention to change my life once and for all.  Along the way, I had to leave my old negative patterns of behaviors and thinking, and leaving people, things and places behind in order to transform my own life.

I do not believe it is possible to keep your old life, and live a completely different new life. In my opinion, it is an illusion and fiction we tell ourselves so as to avoid doing the necessary hard and real emotional work in order to transform and heal.

I have observed many including Kundalini active individuals who exist through spiritual bypass.  Please see my earlier post on “Awareness of Spiritual Bypass.”  During spiritual bypass, they focus on intuitive powers and only on the spiritual light, experience ego inflation, avoid the darkness that is within each of us, or engaged in inappropriate or abusive behaviors convincing themselves that this is intended to help others.  Unfortunately, a life changing or traumatic event in their lives will bring them back to their unresolved emotional issues as they have been operating in ego or smaller selves.

I have come to understand that Kundalini active individuals are no different than others.  Although we have heightened intuitive abilities and have the ability to accerelerate our emotional healing, if we don’t raise our consciousness, release our egos, or confont the darkness within us, no healing will take place and our intuitive abilities may be used to harm others through manipulations by convincing ourselves that this is intended to help others.

I have been the victim of such spiritual abuse and have observed Kundalini active individuals engaged in sexual exploitation, sexual molestation, sexual assault, marital infidelity, and others boundary violations. I have since forgiven them for these trepasses. However, if you don’t use your gifts for good, you can lie to yourself and others by convincing yourself that these violations are to help and benefit others.

Our ego’s denial is a tricky thing, and we all fall prey to it.  If we identify with ego, we will believe this denial.  It is easier to just see the light within ourselves, but it is the darkness within that we must confront and transform before true light is possible.  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

 

Understanding Rage

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I have come to understand that all humans have rage, but just in differing degrees.  This rage is the result of unadressed accumulated painful or traumatic experiences over the course of many soul lives. Rage can be expressed outwardly or inwardly, or a combination of the two.

I have observed many who turn their rage inwardly toward themselves.  They self mutilate and harm, such as cutting, suicide attempts, substance abuse, anorexia, addictions, etc. Other turn their rage outwardly by harming others, such as verbal and physical altercations, physical and sexual assaults, destruction of theirs or others possessions, instigation conflicts, etc.

Earlier in my life, I exhibited turning the rage toward myself through self harm as I was so depressed and anxious that I had suicidal thoughts and addictions, but I also exhibited anger outwardly as I instigated conflicts, started verbal altercations, and destroyed possessions.  I am not proud of my past, but I acknowledged and confronted my reality in order to change these negative patterns in my life.

When I am around others who exhibit these behaviors now, I provide resources and support to them when they request help and assistance.  However, the majority of the people I encounter still are in deep denial and in deep slumber.  It appears that awakening is still very far off for them because of their fear of the truth. I also believe that those who are Kundalini active still may remain in denial, as the rise of Kundalini energy does not equate to awakening or enlightenment as this energy merely provide the potential for awakening or enlightenment.

It has been difficult for me as I help those who ask for help, but I also move on from those who remain in denial.  I believe that my energy is better served to help those who are on the cusp of awareness and transformation, but my energy is simply wasted on those who wish to remain in denial. It feels like bashing my head against a brick wall over and over again.  I try to send these people love and healing energy from afar, but I choose to move onto those who really want and accept my help for their transformation.

During this holiday, I wish for peace, love, and awareness for all of humanity.  May we heal ourselves and our world. Sending blessings of love, peace, and joy to you! (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

Karma and Relationships

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Many in the spiritual community talk about twin flames, soul mates, and karmic relationship.  I must confess that I don’t believe relationships or our life partners are fated as these relationship labels indicate.  I believe that we have free will to determine what is right for us at a certain time in our lives with the person that feels right for us at that time. This may change as we heal our emotional wounds, grow emotionally and physically, or move from place to place.

What I do believe comes into play in relationships is the concept of karma.  My understanding of karma is that we could have created karma with another soul from past lives or we can create karma in our present life.  For example, if we have unresolved issues as we may have wronged others or others may have wronged us, this issue must be resolved between the two souls.  This happened to me, and the key to resolution is forgiveness without forgetting the past wrong that is the lesson we learned.

The second kind of karma is ones we create in our present lives. Everyone has created negative and positive karma with others.  I can safely say that there are no beings who have no karma to resolve that is created in the present.  This is particularly true in romantic relationships when we have wronged others meaning that we have deceived, betrayed, or lied to our loved ones over entering into another romantic relationship, such as an extra-marital affair or cheating on our romantic partners.

Many may argue with me about this point.  However, no matter how two people try to move on from how this relationship intially began, it will be wrought with problems as it began through deception, betrayal, and lies.  This foundation is not sound, and your loved ones will not wholeheartedly support this relationship.  I believe this is the karma created through the deception, betrayal and lies to our loved ones.

Karma will stay with our souls from lifetime to lifetime, so we may run but we can’t hide.  No amount of our egos’ delusions can change karma. So if you decide to enter into another romantic relationship, make sure you have honestly told your spouse or partner that your relationship with them is over, and is no longer working.  Enter the next relationship through honesty and truth so negative karma is not created by this new relationship.

As it is said, life is an echo.  What you do and say are reflected right back to you.  Do good, and good will return to you!  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)