Living as an Empath

df7f20937d43100e067b80e2721225a5

Living as an empath has its drawbacks.  One is not knowing if feelings I am experiencing is mine or others.  Recently, I experienced three episodes of anxiety attacks while with my Twin Flame.  One of these episodes occurred near an art gallery where I felt horrible pains in my chest and in my heart chakra of emotional pain and hurt.  I ask my Twin if he had a negative experience there, and he described that a gallery owner earlier rejected his art work .

On two recent hikes together with my twin, I felt panic attacks when we were discussing about his artistic and musical pursuits.  The first episode involved anxiety with tightness in my chest, and difficult breathing.  The second episode involved tightness in my chest and nausea.  When I described these feelings to my Twin, he expressed that he had been experiencing nausea in the morning for about a year.  During each of these episodes, I sense thoughts of not being good enough or unworthiness.

I am in the process of understanding why I am experiencing feelings of panic and anxiety.  Are my feelings of unworthiness being triggered within me?  Since he is my twin, we have similar emotional wounds, so am I merely mirroring the negative emotions of unworthiness, lack, and insecurities?  As I am energetically connected to my twin, am I experiencing his symptoms of panic and anxiety?

I sense that he blames others, particularly women for his feeling of inadequacy.  Are we both blaming others for our own feelings of inadequacy?  Maybe this is simply a mirroring of two Twin Flames trying to unravel our issues that are intertwined.  I continue to struggle to understand what is actually happening.  If you have any insights, please feel free to share and comment below. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

Kundalini Energy is Not a Twin Flame Connection

download

Unfortunately, I found this out the hard way.  Kundalini energy is not a twin flame connection.  If you have raised your Kundalini energy, and are involved with another Kundalini active person, it may feel like a twin flame connection.  This is why.  Kundalini energy is sexual energy that when shared with another has similar energetic feel because we are able to feel others’ thoughts, feelings, intentions, and feel sexually heightened due to this energy.

I am writing this post to share with those who are involved with another Kundalini active individual and believe they are your twin flame.  They probably are not.  Since my relationship with a Kundalini active man, I then dated non-Kundalini active men that felt very much ordinary until I met my twin flame.  It is only after entering into a romantic relationship with my twin that I realized that two Kundalini active individuals’ energy connection feel very much like a twin flame connection.

Here is the big difference.  Although this energetic connection may feel like a twin flame connection, there are few commonalities and similarities as twin flame would have.  If you believe you are in a twin flame relationships, the tell tale signs that you are not are that you may have some similarities, but live very different lifestyles, have differing interests, have different personalities, and did not meet in an organic way such as meeting in person.

When I met my twin flame in Italy in 2013, I did not recognize him as my twin because my spiritual work and emotional healing had not reached a level of full self awareness, and recognition of my own darkness. My ego was still running my life, and I was still connected in my mind to past karmic relationships.  Until I overcame my dark past, let go of my karmic relationships, and released my ego, I could not see him clearly although I felt him energetically.

This post is a warning to the wise that if you are Kundalini active and are engaged with another Kundalini active individual, and believe they are are your twin flame, you may be fooling yourself and still living in an illusion.  There are no short cuts to meeting your twin flame.  Like me, it took me a while to realize my reality, but ultimately, we all do. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Kundalini Syndrome Revisits

kundalini-feeling-so-yummilicious

It has been awhile when I last posted, since I have been busy moving, getting settled, starting a new job and relationship. It is everything I asked for, so don’t wish too hard, you may actually get what you want.  Last night, I experienced an episode of Kundalini syndrome that I have not experienced for about two years.

As I slept, I felt this surging energy in my solar plexus chakra as my Kundalini energy became blocked there.  Initially, I thought I was experiencing indigestion as I had a late supper of spicy Thai food.  After taking medication and my symptoms did not subside, I realize that I was experiencing my Kundalini energy becoming blocked in my solar plexus chakra.

I have been fully aware of issues in my new relationship as he became more demanding of my time asking to spend a large part of my weekend, and traveling during the week to his concerts.  As I have a very emotionally demanding job of working with sexually assaulted students, my energy was completely depleted last night as I drove one and half hour each way to attend his concert.

As I drove to the concert, I knew that I needed to take back my power by setting healthy boundaries, as his behavior was becoming codepedent which is a behavior that I have been trying to break.  I did not bring up these issues with him after the concert and when I returned home, the energy in my solar plexus chakra began vibrating vigorously while I felt terrible pain in my stomach and abdomen.  This went on for most of the night, and I was unable to sleep for most of the night.

When I awoke the next morning, the pain had subsided some, and I called my boyfriend describing what I had experienced. I also requested some limits on our time with each other as well as why I needed this time to take care of my myself and the things I need to do for my life.  He was very understanding and agreed that limitation on time together will benefit him as well.  Almost immediately after our conversation, the pain in my solar plexus chakra completely vanished.

The miracle of Kundalini energy is that it will alert me of the problems when I fail to address them in my life.  It keeps me honest and authentic because when I am not true to myself, I experience physical pain which I then must determine the origin of the blockage to my Kundalini energy.  It is both a blessing and a curse, but it helps me navigate my life. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved).

In the End

6360004036005151341971270067_9

In the end, everything works out for the best. Over four years ago, I was involved in a destructive triangle with two Kundalini active people. As I was abused as a child, this was the dynamic from my childhood. These two individuals were married to others when they became emotionally and energetically involved.

The irony in all this, is that the spouses of these two individuals moved onto others who love them now, and they are in happy committed relationships. When I was involved with the man in this triangle, the woman was married to someone else.

Even I moved on to find love in my life, and am in a committed relationship with someone who is perfect for me. It appeared that these two individuals served as life lessons for all three of us of what we don’t want in our lives.

As a result of meeting these two Kundalini active people, I was able to find, after letting them go, a loving and kind man who is good to me. I am grateful that I met these two Kundalini active individuals because I will never repeat this type of behavior with anyone else again.

I believe these two individuals serve as important life lessons for many they encounter.  As I reflect back now, I am no longer angry, but I feel very grateful that they forced me to let go of my past, and showed me the right  and higher path. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with all rights reserved.)

Creating Our Illusions

2e284f74c7db5958e16ccf6a8a4c03f8

Through addiction, we create an  illusion for our lives. Some are addicted to people called codependency, some to places called destination addiction, some to substances such as drugs or alcohol, and some to activities such as work, gambling or gaming.

Addiction is a form of self medication or negative coping skill we developed to deal with our trauma or loss. It is a way of escaping or suppressing the negative emotions that exist within us. We even find others or are attracted to others with the same addiction to validate our illusions.

I had destination addiction for a long time. The big difference in my life now is I no longer wish I am somewhere else to be happy. Every day, I recalled an exotic location to dream about my happiness there. These day dreams would be a romantizied memory of my past. This is called destination addiction, and truly is only an escape from my unhappy life.

I am learning to find happiness within myself wherever I am. True happiness does not exist in another place, even a beautiful place. True happiness is in the current moment in your present life. May you find happiness where you are! (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with all rights reserved.)

Kundalini Energy as Catalyst

kundalini-snake

Happy New Year!  In the new year, it is an opportunity to reflect on what I have learned about myself.  Shortly after the rise of my Kundalini energy in March 2011, I began to realize what this energy means to the world, and what it means to be Kundalini active.  It is both a blessing and a curse. Shortly before the rise of my Kundalini energy, I met a Kundalini active man.  After my Kundalini energy rose, I interacted with him for about four years, and it became clear to me how  Kundalini energy serves the world.

Kundalini energy serves as a catalysts for change, but many in the world whom we encounter are not ready for this change.  We frighten many people because interacting with us is like looking into a mirror.  We mirror back to others what they are not able to see due to their egos. However, when they encounter our Kundalini energy, it allows them to see things about themselves.

Many people I encounter react very negatively to me, and find my energy heightens their problems within them.  For example, if someone is a codependent, their behavior will worsen around me. If they have low esteem, their fears of being unworthy will be heighted around me.  Many have blamed me for causing these negative emotions, when in reality these problems are within them.  Although we can trigger these negative emotions, these emotions already exist within them.

Because Kundalini energy serves as catalysts, once we have served our purpose, we move on.  Just as catalysts in a chemical reaction does not remain with the reaction, we too move on to catalyze others.  It is helpful to know the catalytic purpose we serve for others.

Since meeting this Kundalini active man, other Kundalini active individuals have contacted me to engage, but I realize that these individuals will not likely remain in my life as I understand their purpose.  We would catalyze each other to assist each other in our spiritual growth, but the interaction may be quite turbulent due to the nature of Kundlaini energy.

I have declined these invitations as I have chosen to travel alone on my spiritual journey. I believe my path is the clearest when I am the solitary traveler. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

 

 

Through Dreams

 

15665449_10154096071287371_2004591963311139557_n

In my dreams last night, I said goodbye to those in my past who I will not have an opportunity to say goodbye as I move onto the next phase of my journey.  In my dream, I spoke to each person separately saying my farewells.  My interaction with these important individuals who I encountered on my journey either taught me lessons, tested me, or showed me truths about myself.

Although they are no longer in my life now, their contributions to my emotional healing and spiritual growth were necessary, and I thank them as I no longer harbor any animosity or ill will against them. We must be willing to let go of these relationships by understanding that they no longer lead somewhere as our time together have ended.

Letting go feels like a huge weight has lifted from my heart. My higher self tells me to let go, and don’t hang on because this letting go is necessary for me to move forward as I no longer need to carry such heavy baggage with me along my journey.

As I lighten my load on my journey, I gave away possessions, gave away valuables, and gave up emotional pain and hurt.  The lightening of my load means to release, let go, and forgive myself and others.  It is through this letting go that gives us peace and harmony, allows us to find happiness and joy, and attracts love and passion into our lives.

After giving up the people, places, and situations of my past, I shall finally find my dreams and peace, joy, and love will naturally flow into my life.  I will finally get a second chance at my life. In 2017, may you find your dreams. (Copyright 2o16 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

First Step to Transformation

transformation1

It has taken me most of this lifetime to find inner peace.  It has always been illusive to me because I wanted to control everyone, everything, and all situations around me.  As a person who experienced childhood abuse, this is the natural response after experiencing trauma. Most people are on auto pilot using the same negative behaviors and coping skills throughout our lives.

Many people including myself engaged in negative behaviors or coping skills without any awareness as that was how we survived our trauma.  We continue to use the same coping skills and negative behaviors in our every day life until one day we see patterns exhibited in our lives full of failures, disappointments, and frustrations.

We awaken to who we have become as a result of our negative experiences, traumas, or abuses.  This awakening is the realization that our lives are not the outcomes we had hope, and is not the life we want to be living.  It is a rude awakening for many of us including myself.  I had become the person that I vowed never to become.

This realization, recognition, and acknowledgment of who I had become was a necessary step to changing my life. It is not an optional step in transformation.  Many people who are alcoholic, drug addicts, abusers, etc. will tell you that every recovery program requires this acknowlegment before recovering may begin.

Sometimes, the first step is the hardest.  The recovery work is difficult, but recovery cannot take place until we have acknowledged our problems and reality. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Love: Living Beyond Dependency

15726721_1312991575419571_7643330332644192622_n

The truth is that most of our relationships are dependencies.  Love is unconditional while dependency requires the condition that we are with the other person or that we serve certain conditions in each other’s lives.  Dependency is a form of addiction.  All my relationships until recently have been dependencies, either serving as a victim or an enabler.

As I move forward on my spiritual journey, I have very honest conversations with myself about who I still have dependency relationships in my current life.  These are the signs I have come to realize that strongly indicate dependency relationships:

  1. If either person fears doing or saying things as the other will become upset or angry.
  2.  If either person become upset or angry when they can’t control outcomes.
  3. If either person is not happy for the other when one is successful and moving forward in their life.
  4. If either person will not allow relationships with third-parties without jealousy, drama, or arguments.
  5. If either person feel that their happiness is dependent on the other in this relationship, and can’t live without the other.
  6. If either person needs to seek love outside of themselves.
  7. If either person is waiting to be saved (victim), or is a care giver (enabler).
  8. If either person blames the other for how they feel or their failures.

If these signs exhibit in your relationships, you have dependency relationships with others. Before I began my spiritual journey five years ago, I exhibited all these signs in all my relationships, and I was a difficult person to be with. I loathed myself, had little self esteem, and gave from a place of lack.  When I raised my consciousness about who I was, it was difficult to see this darkness about myself.

I began to change my life for the better, once I was able to see the truth about myself. I began to learn self acceptance, self love, independence, self sufficiency, and ridding the negative patterns in my life one of which is leaving dependency relationships behind.  Even if these relationships are virtual like on social media, I can still feel their anger and rage through their words and energy.

With each day, I leave more and more dependency relationships behind as I prefer being alone to dependency relationships in my life now.   Sometimes, it takes great determination to leave these people, things, and situations that no longer serve our highest potential.  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)